So anyway, I was talking to a guy today about hiring a jet for the event...as you do. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Ahem, hello...I believe you lease Jumbo jets?
Him: That"s right sir, and we are amongst the most competitively priced in the industry.
Me: Great. Tell me, if I throw in a few quid extra, will we get a guarantee on the final 500 yards back into Heathrow? Ha, ha, ha, ha.....
Him: [Silence]
Him: .....sorry sir, is this a serious enquiry?
Me: Yes, yes...sorry about that....ahem, just trying to be...erm...topical....
Him: Sir, our fleet is amongst the safest in the business, I can assure you we do not gamble with our customers lives. Who will be travelling?
Me: A couple of hundred poker players......
Him: [Silence]
Him: [Sharp intake of breath]
Me: No, seriously....I"m looking to transport poker players to a big tournament in Europe.
Him: [Sounding a bit shirty now] Is this a wind up?
Me: No, no...not at all....well some of them aren"t very good, so you could invoice it as a couple of poker players and a couple of hundred "hangers" on. Hangers, eh....did you see what I did there?
Him: Sir, are you pulling the p**s?
Me: Oh, I"m awfully sorry, please excuse my poor sense of humour. I really wasn"t trying to make fun of you...please accept my apologies.
Him: Right....I wasn"t sure whether you were trying to play on the gambling reference, and frankly my day"s been too long for a wind up. We"re not on the radio are we?
Me: No, god no. Not at all.... and seriously, I do have a couple of hundred players that need shipping to the continent over the bank holiday weekend. Can you sort us out?
Him: Do you know what type of aircraft you will require?
Me: I have an idea in mind.....
Him: Do you need to hire a flight crew also?
Me: No, I think we have that covered.....
Him: How will you be paying sir?
Me: Our treasurer Neil Dawson - the luckybugur"s got all the money. Ha, ha, ha, ha...cough.
Him: .....and your destination sir?
Me: Excuse me?
Him: The destination? Where will the plane be going to?
Me: [Silence]
Him: Sir? Sir........Sir?
Me: ...Right, I can give you a klue.....
