Duke attempts the Impossible

[duke3016]

[duke3016]

I feel I must mention the one and only Richard "Tightend" Prew who was there updating the competition with Adam. The man is an absolute stalwart of the poker scene. His updates are witty and informative and all this is done with a smile on his face. He is great company and when the awards for 2010 come around this man deserves to be in the APAT Hall of Fame, he has my vote.

[Swinebag]

I feel I must mention the one and only Richard "Tightend" Prew who was there updating the competition with Adam. The man is an absolute stalwart of the poker scene. His updates are witty and informative and all this is done with a smile on his face. He is great company and when the awards for 2010 come around this man deserves to be in the APAT Hall of Fame, he has my vote.

Inspired choice - cant believe this hasn"t been mentioned before

[Chipaccrual]

I feel I must mention the one and only Richard "Tightend" Prew who was there updating the competition with Adam. The man is an absolute stalwart of the poker scene. His updates are witty and informative and all this is done with a smile on his face. He is great company and when the awards for 2010 come around this man deserves to be in the APAT Hall of Fame, he has my vote.

Inspired choice - cant believe this hasn"t been mentioned before

I"d vote for him.  Maybe we should start a facebook page to drum up some support.

[AAroddersAA]

I feel I must mention the one and only Richard "Tightend" Prew who was there updating the competition with Adam. The man is an absolute stalwart of the poker scene. His updates are witty and informative and all this is done with a smile on his face. He is great company and when the awards for 2010 come around this man deserves to be in the APAT Hall of Fame, he has my vote.

Inspired choice - cant believe this hasn"t been mentioned before

I"d vote for him.  Maybe we should start a facebook page to drum up some support.

We could start a fan site !!!!

Oh, and I agree completely obv

[Swinebag]

So who was inducted last year?

[duke3016]

As far as I am aware there is only one person (2008) who has been inducted, that was Brendan Stoner. Not sure if it"s annual but I reckon the campaign for Tighty should start now  

[duke3016]

Now a wee bit more about the fireman who arrived at my door on Saturday morning.

"Good morning sir, here is my ID" says Sam (I kid you not it really was Fireman Sam)

"Do you have smoke alarms installed?" he continued

"Erm No, do you get many jokes about your name?" says I

"Quite a lot sir, now we can install 2 smoke alarms free today" says Sam

"Perfect" says I

"Unfortunately I must give you a lecture on Fire safety" says he

"No bother" says I "Come in"

So he proceed to advise me on escape routes, perils of smoking, chip pan fires (which to be honest unless they get one in the Chinese Take Away, will not concern me) and general fire safety stuff. Then he came to the bit about sockets.

"I must also warn you about the dangers of multiple appliances on single sockets." Says he

Now call me paranoid but I could swear he was looking at the table top where I have positioned my Laptop, Second screen, Television, external disk drive, PC external sound system, Printer, Beer fridge, Electric radiator and numerous chargers.

He was.. "I hope all those appliances are routed through properly installed fused multiple socket devices"

"They will be 20 minutes after you leave.."

Priceless

[duke3016]

I feel I must mention the one and only Richard "Tightend" Prew who was there updating the competition with Adam. The man is an absolute stalwart of the poker scene. His updates are witty and informative and all this is done with a smile on his face. He is great company and when the awards for 2010 come around this man deserves to be in the APAT Hall of Fame, he has my vote.

You know what I am such an eejit - apologies all round he is already in the Hall of Fame. I blame the drink  , however the other comments stand.

[TightEnd]

thank you eejit.

Well done for staying soberish until late on Saturday night!

[duke3016]

This morning was cold and I was a wee bit irritable. However my demeanour was not improved by my drive through to Chester this morning to drop the wee man off at Uni.

The drive was full of a constant stream of expletives from me directed at drivers who, in all honesty, had purchased their licences from Toys R Us.

Muppet 1
The traffic lights out of our estate is three phase. That is, the main road has priority and both sides go at once. However the two opposing side roads are let go separately. This demands of course that you pay attention to the lights on your side, simple you would think. Oh no, Mrs blue rinse in her shiny new punto was obviously keeping her beady eye on the road opposite and when traffic stopped on that side, she decided that it was her go regardless of the fact that her light was red. This resulted in the No3 bus from Chester to Birkenhead, along with 3 cars having to take evasive action in order to prevent the flattening of her shoebox. She of course dutifully ignored the blaring horns and continued in her own little world. 


Muppet 2
The roads were icy and of course Mr "I can drive in any condition" decided that he would accelerate onto the roundabout from a standing start at the first glimmer of a gap. Now instead of a Louis Hamilton style take off he barely moved as his back wheels struggled for traction like a dog on shiny floorboards. This resulted in the car on the roundabout slamming on and losing it as well as the two cars did a bit of synchronised dancing much akin to Ann Widdecome & John Sergeant at a drunken Christmas party.


Muppet 3
Two lanes exist on the A41 approaching the Chester turn off. The right lane for Chester and the left lane for straight on. Now I know that lane discipline is not a strong point of most denizens of Ellesmere Port but this driver took indiscipline to a whole new level. The amount of times he switched lanes in the half mile leading up to the cross made me believe he was listening to the Hokey Cokey on CD. Unfortunately his penultimate lane change caused the car behind him to brake and the car in the lane he was going into to brake as well. Not content with that he was willing to make one more manoeuvre before the lights. Unfortunately both the drivers he had caused to brake were in no mood to accommodate this and the inside one slowed down parallel to the muppet and the car behind closed up so close you thought they had to touch. Now boxed in, it would seem that the muppet still wanted to go straight on and he was in the Chester turnoff lane. Did this deter him, of course not, he just went straight on at the lights and swerved left to avoid the central reservation causing more mayhem and horn blowing.

Muppets 4 , 5, 6 & 7
The Bache roundabout was stuffed this morning as the road into Chester was snarled. Of course Muppet 4 left the comfort of his stop line in order to block the entrance to Morrisons, preventing traffic from exiting the roundabout at that point. Muppet 5 was not to be out done as he pulled up to the car blocking the prior exit and effectively blocked the exit for cars turning right at the roundabout. This was the cue for the sheep syndrome as Muppets 6 & 7 duly blocked the other two exits. It was at this point that Ger said "Don't do it Daddy" as I reached internal combustion point. Luckily the cars moved a fraction and I had room to enter the roundabout and turn right.

One positive note was that my son now is in complete awe of the fact that I managed to swear repeatedly without hardly any repetition for the 6 mile trip.

[duke3016]

[duke3016]

[Waz1892]

[Waz1892]

This morning was cold and I was a wee bit irritable. However my demeanour was not improved by my drive through to Chester this morning to drop the wee man off at Uni.

The drive was full of a constant stream of expletives from me directed at drivers who, in all honesty, had purchased their licences from Toys R Us.

Muppet 1
The traffic lights out of our estate is three phase. That is, the main road has priority and both sides go at once. However the two opposing side roads are let go separately. This demands of course that you pay attention to the lights on your side, simple you would think. Oh no, Mrs blue rinse in her shiny new punto was obviously keeping her beady eye on the road opposite and when traffic stopped on that side, she decided that it was her go regardless of the fact that her light was red. This resulted in the No3 bus from Chester to Birkenhead, along with 3 cars having to take evasive action in order to prevent the flattening of her shoebox. She of course dutifully ignored the blaring horns and continued in her own little world. 


Muppet 2
The roads were icy and of course Mr "I can drive in any condition" decided that he would accelerate onto the roundabout from a standing start at the first glimmer of a gap. Now instead of a Louis Hamilton style take off he barely moved as his back wheels struggled for traction like a dog on shiny floorboards. This resulted in the car on the roundabout slamming on and losing it as well as the two cars did a bit of synchronised dancing much akin to Ann Widdecome & John Sergeant at a drunken Christmas party.


Muppet 3
Two lanes exist on the A41 approaching the Chester turn off. The right lane for Chester and the left lane for straight on. Now I know that lane discipline is not a strong point of most denizens of Ellesmere Port but this driver took indiscipline to a whole new level. The amount of times he switched lanes in the half mile leading up to the cross made me believe he was listening to the Hokey Cokey on CD. Unfortunately his penultimate lane change caused the car behind him to brake and the car in the lane he was going into to brake as well. Not content with that he was willing to make one more manoeuvre before the lights. Unfortunately both the drivers he had caused to brake were in no mood to accommodate this and the inside one slowed down parallel to the muppet and the car behind closed up so close you thought they had to touch. Now boxed in, it would seem that the muppet still wanted to go straight on and he was in the Chester turnoff lane. Did this deter him, of course not, he just went straight on at the lights and swerved left to avoid the central reservation causing more mayhem and horn blowing.

Muppets 4 , 5, 6 & 7
The Bache roundabout was stuffed this morning as the road into Chester was snarled. Of course Muppet 4 left the comfort of his stop line in order to block the entrance to Morrisons, preventing traffic from exiting the roundabout at that point. Muppet 5 was not to be out done as he pulled up to the car blocking the prior exit and effectively blocked the exit for cars turning right at the roundabout. This was the cue for the sheep syndrome as Muppets 6 & 7 duly blocked the other two exits. It was at this point that Ger said "Don't do it Daddy" as I reached internal combustion point. Luckily the cars moved a fraction and I had room to enter the roundabout and turn right.

One positive note was that my son now is in complete awe of the fact that I managed to swear repeatedly without hardly any repetition for the 6 mile trip.

Muppets all over Cambridgshire too!

Miss Piggy.

3 lane traffic light on a roundabout - clearly marked with directional arrows on the road

Miss Piggy in the insidee lane to continue round the roundabout.  I"m next lane on arrow point to slip into the lane to go straight ahead.

Green lights, and clearly I wasn"t aware it was a rally race as she drove straight ahead into my lane.  She didn"t understand my sign languange clearly!  I "followed her"  and at the next slip road she went off - no idication of course!

Kermit the Frog.

Slow traffic on A14.  Cars quite close and no real gaps..as we approach a split road with the inside lane slipping off the A14 towards Cambs.  Mr Frog decided has car would fit into the gap..which it did to be fair - BECAUSE I HAD TO SLAM MY BRAKES!.  Horn and a flash towards him....

I understood his signed reply for sure!.....I would have been happy with 1 but he offered me 2 it seems; then gestured my present would be a what I can only assume was a sign for a rattle.  

I replied as is courtesy, that 1 would be fine...he never even used the slip road!