Author Topic: Duke attempts the Impossible  (Read 1411522 times)

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duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #6075 on: November 22, 2016, 20:05:58 PM »
Now "Black Friday" in the US is the day after Thanksgiving denoting the start of the Christmas shopping season with some bargains (riots and stampedes as well). Retailers in the UK adopted this day to try and boost sales before the Christmas deluge. I noticed this year that the words "Black Week", "Black Four Days" and "Black Fortnight" have been creeping in. Cue DFS and their "Black Year"  ???

Stop it FFS

duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #6076 on: November 23, 2016, 17:57:19 PM »

duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #6077 on: November 23, 2016, 18:56:04 PM »
The US IRS has rejected my claim once more for the withholding from my winnings in June.

The reason - incorrect information in check box (h) on form W-7

I will try again  >:(

Fatcatstu

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #6078 on: November 24, 2016, 00:00:49 AM »

The US IRS has rejected my claim once more for the withholding from my winnings in June.

The reason - incorrect information in check box (h) on form W-7

I will try again  >:(


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England C Captain 2012
World Team Champions England 2013

duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #6079 on: November 24, 2016, 08:00:10 AM »


The US IRS has rejected my claim once more for the withholding from my winnings in June.

The reason - incorrect information in check box (h) on form W-7

I will try again  >:(


Current patience levels?


Zero

duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #6080 on: November 24, 2016, 17:59:03 PM »
It seems that the IRS is feeling sorry for me as they have given me an IRSN number (It"s not an ITIN or SSN). They say it will speed up my next application (the 1040NR one) while I reapply for my ITIN.

Too many acronyms and numbers.

We will see......

duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #6081 on: November 24, 2016, 18:33:57 PM »

duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #6082 on: November 24, 2016, 19:34:44 PM »
Tighty"s game in Walsall with apologies to Edgar Allen Poe"s The Raven

It was past midnight, damp and dreary, Des in bed awake but weary
Trying vainly to establish with sound slumber a rapport,
When he heard a sound so muffled, sounded like cards being shuffled
Coming from the other side of his sturdy travel lodge door.

He tossed and turned and said, “It is the wind and nothing more”.

But the sound it was remaining. With bravado in him draining
He donned his robe and tiptoed to his sturdy bedroom door.
He opened it a crack, peeked out and saw the back
Of a man who was just sitting, playing cards upon the floor.

“It is a nightmare of my mind,” Des said, “Just this and nothing more”.

He had a cloak draped across his back and Hawarthbantam,
Was facing him and pacing in a circle on the floor.
Des's jaw dropped when he heard the soft voice of that poker great,
Saying, “Deal me in this card game for a couple hands or more”.

And the man tossed four chips to him; four blue chips and nothing more.

Then Des must have made a sound, for he slowly turned around
And his face was pale as misty, eerie fog that hugs the shore.
Then he whispered to Des low, “I'm the man called Tightend
Who has come here to play poker as I did in days of yore.

“It is a poker game I'm craving. Only this and nothing more”.

“Won't you sit in for a while?” Tightend asked Des with a smile,
“It will make a better card game than it was an hour before”.
And, not wanting to incite him, Des slowly walked beside him
Meekly asking what the stakes were as he sat down on the floor.

“£1 and £2 ante,” said Tightend. Quoth Hawartbantam, “Nothing more.”

From the start Des had a streak of luck that reached its peak
By him winning all the money that the two had owned before.
Then Tightend said, oh so slyly, (as that Ian one grinned so wryly),
“This low stake game we're playing I'm beginning to abhor”.

“Then by all means”, said the round one, 'we should surely play for more”.

Then Tightend, with gesture bold, from his pocket withdrew some gold
In a bag that was so heavy that to move it was a chore.
His sly look Des failed to heed for his soul was filled with greed
As he saw the gold coins from the sack begin to pour.

“Yes,” Des whispered weakly, “We should surely play for more”.

Then Tightend said in voice so solemn as he stacked gold in a column,
“The hour grows late; I'm weary, so we'll play but one hand more.
If you win, my gold you'll own. If I win then it's your home
That will be mine to have and keepto keep forevermore”.

Quoth the round one: “Evermore”.

Des said, “That's fair, I feel.” Then Tightend began to deal
And the cards Des had were aces and the aces numbered four.
Des said, “My hand is pat and I'm only sorry that
The pot has been established and that we can bet no more.”

Quoth the round one: “Bet some more!”

“He speaks true, ”Des then was told, and Tightend pulled out more gold
And tossed it with the other coins that were strewn across the floor.
“But I cannot match your bet,” Des sadly said, “but, yet,
I must have something left; something you two would adore”.

Said the round one, “You in bondage. Only this and nothing more”.

“He speaks wisely”, said Tightend. “If you want to bet, you can.
But lose and you're our slave and servant now and evermore”.
Des stared at his four aces, smiled and looked at his guest's faces,
Sealed the bet and spread his aces down and out across the floor.

Said the round one in a whisper, “I see aces numbering four!”

The face of Des just glowered as Tightend's poker hand he lowered
Until it covered his four aces that were resting on the floor.
Then amid a quiet hush, Des saw his small straight flush
And knew that he was beaten and was doomed forevermore.

Said the round one, “You in bondage here and now and evermore”.

Now on dark nights, cold and dreary, Des's sore body grows so weary
As he dusts and washes and cleans and sweeps the mess that's on the floor.
While Tightend and the round one live in comfort in their haven
With their slave who's held in bondage, held in bondage

Evermore.

Moral is don't play a Tighty game in Walsall LOL

duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #6083 on: November 28, 2016, 17:44:35 PM »
There was a curate, Fr Pat Nugent, in Kilanena parish who had the church authorities up in arms. He rode a powerful motorbike whilst visiting his flock, leathers and all. His sermons were bright, if a little earthy and the older generation spent hours tutting at his antics. He enjoyed a pint and the Craic, and why shouldn't he. Where is  it written that he can't he human (apart from celibacy)

Oh and he was the dirtiest, filthiest, son of a B*tch when he played rugby.

We played Gort in a “friendly” one Sunday afternoon and as usual it was a little frisky to say the least. In one particular phase of play the “game” stopped for a little bit whilst steam was being let off.

One bruiser caught hold of Fr Pat and knocked him to the ground with a meaty haymaker.

“Jesus Christ, that's a priest you eejit” says one of his team mates.
“Oh My God, sorry father” said the thumper as he picked him up and stood in front of him

Fr Pat smiled that tolerant smile that only priests can and promptly nutted him breaking his nose.

“Bless you my son” said Fr Pat

Priceless

duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #6084 on: November 28, 2016, 17:49:06 PM »

Curlarge

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #6085 on: November 29, 2016, 00:27:34 AM »



The US IRS has rejected my claim once more for the withholding from my winnings in June.

The reason - incorrect information in check box (h) on form W-7

I will try again  >:(


Current patience levels?


Zero


This is a lot higher than mine would be I assure you, but then again I am unlikely to ever be in this position :)
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duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #6086 on: November 30, 2016, 17:29:59 PM »
Now my son was brought, kicking and screaming, into this world a healthy 9lbs 11ozs and to be honest has never been any trouble ever. I can count myself very lucky. When he was three years old (because of his mother's influence) he was a Queen fan and had all the moves and most of the words to their songs.

One day he was watching them on video when his older sister (she was 9) arrived in the room and changed over to the proper telly to watch some other tripe that wee girls watch. He went to protest and she pushed him away and he fell on his arse.

I watched this with a bit of interest and was about to intervene when I thought twice. Who do I support here, him because he was watching first, or her because he had been hogging the TV all day. Well before I could say anything Ger picked himself up and looked around the room. No histrionics, no yelling, just quiet determinism.

He went over to the hoover and surveyed it. He took the bottom bit off and disconnected the long tube from the top. Hefted in his hand (he was three remember) and look at Marie

No, he wasn't, he wouldn't, he did.

He hit her from behind with the piece of plastic, if he was older he might have done damage. She sprawled on the floor and he calmly switch back to the video.

Bless

duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #6087 on: November 30, 2016, 18:40:06 PM »

Curlarge

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #6088 on: November 30, 2016, 22:09:39 PM »

Now my son was brought, kicking and screaming, into this world a healthy 9lbs 11ozs and to be honest has never been any trouble ever. I can count myself very lucky. When he was three years old (because of his mother"s influence) he was a Queen fan and had all the moves and most of the words to their songs.

One day he was watching them on video when his older sister (she was 9) arrived in the room and changed over to the proper telly to watch some other tripe that wee girls watch. He went to protest and she pushed him away and he fell on his arse.

I watched this with a bit of interest and was about to intervene when I thought twice. Who do I support here, him because he was watching first, or her because he had been hogging the TV all day. Well before I could say anything Ger picked himself up and looked around the room. No histrionics, no yelling, just quiet determinism.

He went over to the hoover and surveyed it. He took the bottom bit off and disconnected the long tube from the top. Hefted in his hand (he was three remember) and look at Marie

No, he wasn"t, he wouldn"t, he did.

He hit her from behind with the piece of plastic, if he was older he might have done damage. She sprawled on the floor and he calmly switch back to the video.

Bless



This would explain a lot  ;D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4Mc-NYPHaQ
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duke3016

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Re: Duke attempts the Impossible
« Reply #6089 on: December 01, 2016, 17:45:30 PM »
We were in Henchy's bar in Scarriff one lovely summer's day when 4 German tourists arrived in. They were off one of the pleasure boats moored in the harbour.

They approached the bar and they didn't seem to have very good English so one of them pointed at the Harp dispenser and put 4 fingers up to indicate his order. Vinny pulled the pints and left them on the counter. The Germans proceeded to drink their drinks with no regard to Vinny standing staring at them.

“Hello, is everthing ok” said one in halting English
“Money” says Vinny (man of few words)
“Sorry, in Germany we pay after” says the guy
“In Ireland you pay now” says Vinny

The German went into his pocket and pulled out a sheaf of notes and laid them on the counter.

“When you need, you take” says the German

Well Vinny extracted the required amount and left the change and kept that up for most of the day as the German's drank, boy could they drink. The day drew on and it came to closing time and as usual the front door was locked as the festivities began. The German's were great Craic and sang a couple of their own songs as they downed pint after pint.

At about 3am the one German who had a bit of English summoned Vinny.

Looking at his watch he asked “Sorry at what time do you close”

Vinny looked at the pile of notes on the counter and said..

“Around October”

Priceless