Duke attempts the Impossible

[duke3016]

Can't let it go without a few words around the religious fever that was in good old catholic Ireland. I went to mass every Sunday for the good of my health. My mother would have frigging killed me if I didn't. I was also dispatched to confessions every Saturday at 11.00am to tell this man in black my sins.

I was terrified of him, you went into one side of the dark, scary confessional and waited for the grill to slide back so you could tell your sins. Now being afraid and not being able to concentrate I must have committed the same sins every week for 10 years, because they never changed. Which kind of defeats the object really.

Now Fr Flannery was an old Parish Priest who was extremely hard of hearing and when he was taking confession the front pew had a distinct lean as all who were waiting to go in were straining to hear the sins of the one that was in because they were always exhorted to speak up.

One day, I think it was Francie Mac who was in. We heard a few whispers and then in a very loud voice Fr Flannery roared.

"You what"

Well, Francie came out a few minutes later to the combined stares of the front pew who had various views as to his deeds that warranted such an outburst.

"Careful lads" he said "He's forgotten his hearing aid again"

Good times,

[duke3016]

Chezger do teams and they are the best team ever

[duke3016]

As our world gets increasingly smaller with improved air travel we are constantly reminded of our shortcomings around the ability to converse in foreign languages. We seem to be annoyed when a waiter in a Paris restaurant cannot speak English. Of course the reason he doesn't speak English could be because he is French !!!

However this problem can raise its head on this little island with differing accentuations of the English language.

When we opened a new depot in Warrington about two years ago, a goodly majority of the staff were Eastern European. I was reconfiguring the terminals on the forklift trucks when the training manager was giving a health and safety talk to the new drivers.

All these drivers were highly qualified fork operatives but regulations dictated that they get the H&S lecture. Now to assist these people the agency had provided an interpreter to help along in the first few days.

The gentleman giving the lecture was from Glasgow and not only was his accent broad, he also used various colloquiums from his native city. He really warmed to his subject with hand gestures and proper emphasis at the more important bits.

When he was finished all the heads of the drivers turned to the interpreter with child like expectation. He looked at them and then back at the H&S man, he even looked at me in expectation. He sighed and said.

"Could you repeat that I haven't got a clue what you just said"

Priceless.

[duke3016]

[duke3016]

Home game last night was a good one. A few APATers were present and I played some agressive poker (Not my style I hear you shout) I bubbled the first game in 4th when I was crippled with my 99 against Digger"s K 10 and he hit a river 10.

Second game was played very much in the vein of game 1 and I was amassing chips when I find KK and get one caller. You want that right, when you have been playing loose.

Flop Q 9 2, I bet Ady goes all in and he had a lot of chips. I call, he shows 8Q. Loving it, especially when Jason said he had a Q,

Turn 5

River - yep that fecking river was the case Q

Sigh - I run so good.

Great people, great games, priceless

[duke3016]

Wee Man"s poker is very good at the moment, he is 3rd in the Chezger league with a 2nd place last night. (He took all my chips to put me out in 4th with pocket Aces - easy game eh)

So we are off to the DTD 321 this weekend to play in the side games £50er on Saturday and maybe the modest £25er on Sunday.

Good investment that lad........................

[duke3016]

Speaking about the chezger league. Wee Man has 1 win and 5 seconds this year. Maybe his HU needs a bit of work -- LOL

LEAGUE TABLE

[duke3016]

I wasn't long started in my current company and was on call for our store ordering systems. I got a call at around 1am to say that no store orders were generated. We had no remote capabilities in those days so I had to get up and drag myself into the office.

I was working on the problem and trying to concentrate when a man who I had never seen before wondered through the office and stood in front of me. He was a stocky man with more gold on him than Midas's first cousin. Bracelets and a large gold necklace accompanied by the largest watch I have ever seen.

"Hello, and what are we doing" he enthused

Well he caught me at a bad time, I was trying to concentrate on the problem in hand and I was grumpy after being woken up.

"I'm playing fecking Space Invaders what does it look like" says I
"I can see you are a little busy" says stocky man and he wanders off.

I sorted the problem and went back home to bed and thought nothing of it. The next morning I was in work as normal and our IT director rang me and said he wanted to see me.

I went up to his office.

"May I introduce you to our new Supply Chain Director" says he

I turned round and yep, it was stocky man from the night before..

We never really got on, he had a poor sense of humour.

[duke3016]

Right, off to the aquarium aka Shell Club, will let you have the gory details later

[duke3016]

Came 3rd at the Shell Aquarium last night, Played very agressive (must see my therapist today) and it worked only because I flopped a straight to my 98 and a flush to my 83 and a boat to my A5, hey but I was playing well.

It"s nice to try things but I will probably be a very different player in DTD tonight and must learn to

1. Stay sober
2. Gradually move through the gears (not 0-60 in one orbit)
3. Get divorced from draws
4. Don"t be bullied
5. Don"t assume anything

Like that"s going to happen...........................

[duke3016]

I was in Morrisons yesterday and my pet hate is the pimply faced children in ill fitting suits that stand in fornt of you and try to sell you mega fast broadband or sky etc.

Talk Talk were the incumbents and I wasn"t in a prticularly good mood anyway so I pre empted him by saying "No thanks" before he opened his mouth.

Then he went and did it He uttered the fatal time worn words.

"So you don"t want to save money then" says sarky baby features

Well the blue touch paper was lit.  


I stopped alongside him and proceeded to give him a lecture along the lines of, if I want to save money I will do my own research and I would not take the word of one company I would do comparisons and do I look like a frigging idiot etc etc.

We had a little crowd by now and baby boy was shrinking into his suit. I continued my tirade with a longer lecture about nanny states and site blocking with their product. I am a grown man and I will make my own choices of what sites I go on, and that I would have to be the mayor of idiotville to even consider their product.

One round of applause and one very red faced pillock later I continued with my shopping. He avoided me like the plague on the way out.

priceless

[duke3016]

Watching St Mirren v Celtic at the mo and I just noticed that the referee is sponsored by SpecSavers -- you couldn"t write the script.............

[lukybugur]

Watching St Mirren v Celtic at the mo ...

How insanely bored must you be ... ?

[duke3016]

Well, back from DTD in one piece and I really must have a word with myself. I manage to accumulate chips early doors and then make silly hero calls to lose most of them. Now before all you major cynics  blame the drink I was relatively sober whilst playing. It was only after I was dumped out that I went mental. Tequila shots FTW at 3.30am.....


Big up to Darren Shallis who was unlucky to bubble the final table in the big one. Dewi chopped HU the Friday game.


Wee man cashed 6th in the £25 on Sunday night, he's getting a good rounded game and is one to watch. (Oh yes and like any good father I had 50% of him)

[Dewi_cool]

well done Ger Bach, I also noticed another good trait about him, he dont like losing, good sign