My father was a direct person, and you were left in no doubt as to the thoughts that were in his brain. He also was not adverse to apportioning blame when things did not go entirely his own way. Normally this meant lumping the blame on me.
I wandered out to the shop one fine Saturday morning, and as usual he was at the till hands below the level of the counter and a guilty look on his face.
"FFS I thought you were your mother" says He
"Smoking again Da" says I
"Feck off" says he, pulling the sneaky ciggy from under the counter and drawing on it with a serene smile on his face.
"By the way, what are you at today" says he
"Thought I'd take a 10 mile run and then build a replica of the Taj Mahal" says I
"Feck off" says he "I need you after lunch"
"What for" says I
"We need to knock the shed next to Healy's" says he
FFS more manual labour when there was a pint with my name on it in Slattery's.
"No bother" says I
After lunch my mother took over in the shop and the ould lad and myself walked down to the shed. We had armed ourselves with Picks, Shovels & Sledgehammers and surveyed the shed.
Now it was attached to Healy's gable end on one side and looking at it I was not so sure that it didn't serve as a considerable prop for said gable end and I said so.
"Feck off ya eejit Healy's house is a solid as a rock" says he
"I'm not so sure Da" says I
"Start the other end" says he
Well we stripped the galvanise off the roof and removed the timber which didn't take long as it was rotten with age, and commenced breaking down the walls. It was going fairly well and I only just missed decapitating the ould lad twice, and he only managed to hit me on the backswing three times. Result in those days. We were about halfway along when I again voiced my reservations concerning the gable end.
"Feck off, it's fine" says he "and take care where you swing that sledge" FFS me take care, he was like Frank Spencer on speed with a sledge.
Still, I suppose Healy's house had stood before the shed was built and would surely stand after. We finished the job and the only damage to Healy's gable end was an area in need of plaster work along the lines of the wall and roof of the now demolished shed.
"Told ya, ya eejit" says the ould man "Safe as the Rock of Gibraltar"
We decided to move the rubble and metal on the next weekend and retired to the house for tea.
At precisely 21:10 a goodly proportion of Healy's gable end tumbled out and joined the rumble already there from the shed.
We were summoned to the scene of this particular ground zero to be confronted by Jimmy Healy.
"I told Ger" says the ould lad to Jimmy Healy
What, FFS I stared incredulously at the ould lad.
The house was still standing and the damage was limited to a central hole about 2 metres wide half way up the wall. It seems that the spot where it broke was in the bathroom and the wall was weak anyway and our efforts at demolition hastened the inevitable.
"I told him to be careful" says the ould lad
"Aye" says Jimmy
"I'll get it sorted" says the ould lad
"Aye" says Jimmy. Not one to be flustered the same Jimmy
FFS I knew better than to open my mouth however and held my counsel. The ould lad paid for the refurbish and regaled anyone who cared to listen that he always knew about the weakness and that his son never listened to him.
Priceless
