Husband - Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt.
Wife - That"s not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.
A lady came into the kitchen, sat down at the table, LEANED forward, put her head in her hands and said to her husband "Honey, I feel terrible! My head hurts, my back"s killing me and my left breast just burns and burns." He said "I"m gonna help you, Dear. I"ll get you some aspirins for the headache, I"ll rub your back with Myoflex for the backache, and if you"ll sit up and get your breast out of the coffee, it"ll stop burning!"
People ask me if I wake up grumpy in the morning....... I reply----No, I just bring her some coffee !!! Boom Boom
A man went to his Doctor and said, "Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye," the Doctor said, "well, have you tried taking the spoon out?"
On a BA Airlines flight to New York during our recent hurricane "FRAN", the captain did his best to skirt the edge of the storm, but it was a pretty rough ride just the same - rough enough that the flight attendants were ordered to strap themselves into their seats for about half an hour, and many of the passengers were putting the little plastic-lined bags in their seat pockets to good use. When the turbulence finally abated, the flight attendants unbuckled themselves, and the captain"s voice came on over the intercom.
"Well, folks, that was quite some ride, wasn"t it? But we came through it fine, just the way we always do and I"m happy to report that it looks like the remainder of our trip should be much calmer. On behalf of myself and today"s flight crew, I"d like to thank you very much for your calmness and cooperation, and extend our best wishes for a pleasant stay in New York."
After a short pause and several clicks...... "Damn - whadda bitchin" ride! Boy - I sure could use a cup of good strong coffee and a blow job, right about now."
As a stricken stewardess dashed up the aisle to the cabin to inform the captain that his intercom was still on, one of the passengers called after her, "Don"t forget the coffee!"
A guy walks into a coffee shop and sees President Bush and Colin Powell sitting together. He introduces himself and asks President Bush, "How goes the War effort, Sir?"
President Bush answers, "We"re getting ready to kill 40 million Iraqi"s and one blonde."
The guy asks in astonishment, "Why are you killing one blonde?"
President Bush turns to Colin Powell and says, "See, I told you people wouldn"t care about the Iraqi"s."
