I had set off for Swansea at 7am Saturday, and by 2am on Sunday morning when I left for my hotel, I was on my last legs. I walked out of the front of Aspers and enquired of a bouncer, six foot wide and eight feet tall, as to where I might find a taxi rank?
He gestured me to the bottom of the road where I "turn left and you can"t miss it"
I looked in front of me. There stood, and swayed approximately 100 of the human detritus of a Saturday night in Swansea. Resisting the temptation to extract my camera phone and take shots of assorted young ladies who might have been wearing skirts, though I wasn"t sure, I began to wend my way to the rank. I reached the end of the road . No taxi rank in sight
"Oi, mate" said a young man worse for wear in front of me, as he thrust his hand in my direction "want a bit of my kebab?"
"No thank you" I replied
"F****ing Hell, lads, he"s bloody English!!" he cried as his mates looked in my direction
I immediately felt a shiver down my spine and had to think on my feet
"er, actually I am half Welsh" I said, meekly and rather pointlessly I added "on my mother"s side. She"s from Aberwystwyth"
The man giggled, and began to move on with his mates. Phew, I had escaped.
I reached a gaggle of people, mainly female
"Hello love, are you a taxi driver?" one young lady asked me
I looked down at my shirt with APAT badge
"No I am not" I said rather sternly
"Oh" she said "you look like a taxi driver"
There was no sign of a taxi rank. Or any taxis.
A friendly pair of policemen walked past. The question had to be asked
"Excuse me where is the taxi rank?"
"It"s closed mate, roadworks"
"Where are the cabs then?"
"Well you won"t get one now for at least an hour, too busy"
I was stuck. Too far to walk to the hotel. I was just about to go back into Aspers when I explained my predicament to a very pretty lady of an age more appropriate to my own demeanour
"Don"t worry love, why don"t you come into the club for an hour, then get a cab when it is quieter?"
I looked at the building. Emanating from it was the insistent beat of house/techno music. I looked at my new companion. I must have looked a bit hesistant
"Don"t worry, we"ll look after you" she said so, for a bargain £8, I entered the club.
Inside it was dark, dingy and loud. Strobes flashed across the floor. I didn"t like the music. Hayley, my by now having established her name, led me to a table and sat me down. All I wanted was a taxi and my bed. Neither looked likely in the immediate future. The vague promise of being on a promise was beginning to sustain me.
After a few minutes Hayley went off for a dance. I was left alone.
She returned, with friends and she said I should go and request some music
I thought to myself that they were unlikely to have either of Five Star "Rain or shine" or Duran Duran "Wild Boys" so declined.
After half an hour I made my excuses, having been on my own for twenty minutes, and left.
In bed for 5am, I slept fitfully the banging beat a backdrop to my thoughts. How Hayley slept, I do not know but in my trouser pocket this morning was a phone humber and the letter H on a piece of paper.
I leave for home as soon as the APAT event is finished.
