Duke attempts the Impossible

[duke3016]

Relaxing at home and watching NZ v SA - if it wasn"t for the numbers on the jersey"s of the All Blacks I would have thought they were all in the backs - awesome stuff.

[duke3016]

I"m trying, but don"t think I"ll ever get it.  Stupid game anyway.  

Palestine!

erm did you mean that word ? or were you looking for another more suitable one  

[SirPercival]

Could someone please explain how after 5 days of cricket you can get a draw!!

[Mikeyboy9361]

Could someone please explain how after 5 days of cricket you can get a draw!!

Are you a Yank in disguise!

[duke3016]

OK a nice relaxing day off today, no I am gearing up for the on-line Chezger League game tonight, it might involve banter, it might involve out draws, it might even involve some poker......

[duke3016]

[HaworthBantam]

[Bigfella42]

Could someone please explain how after 5 days of cricket you can get a draw!!

If one team hasn"t been bowled out twice but their total combined score is less than the other teams combined total score and it gets quite late on day 5 and the cucumber sandwiches in the clubhouse need eating or else they will start curling at the edges then the match is officially declared as a draw.

Hope that helps.

[duke3016]

Flicking through the million channels on the TV I wish there was a button on the remote to turn up the intelligence. There"s a button called brightness, but that doesn"t fecking work.

[duke3016]

Why is it when someone is hoovering the floor and they run over something that won't budge, like say a piece of string. They pick it up, examine it, then put it back down to give the hoover one more chance. So funny to watch - Bless

[Ant1966]

Could someone please explain how after 5 days of cricket you can get a draw!!

Cos after five days there is sometimes not time for all of this to happen.....

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that"s in the side that"s in goes out, and when he"s out he comes in and the next man goes in until he"s out. When they are all out, the side that"s out comes in and the side thats been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men are out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!

[duke3016]

I was sitting in the house opposite the church in Bodyke one Saturday morning nursing a sore head and Margaret was putting on a fry for me to perk me up when I heard a crash outside in the road. Margaret and I looked at each other and I struggled to my feet and went out to look with Margaret tagging along.

Outside a hay cart had dumped its load all over the space in front of our house and John Maloney was there staring at it and scratching his head. The cart had turned over and was propped against the wall of the house. It looked like the poor lad had been overloaded and given the nature of his ould lad I wasn't surprised. No real damage was done, but the hay was spread out a good bit. The horse was ok but John looked a bit lost. Now John wasn't the brightest and obviously need a hand. Especially to tell the wee lad what to do and give him a hand.

However I was suffering and I needed to eat so I said.

"John come in for a bite and then I will give you a hand to load the cart again"
"I'd love to, but me Da wouldn't be happy" says he
"Feck him, I am starving" says I
"Well OK, but Da won't be happy with me" says he
"The horse will be fine, come on" says I

We retired to a lovely cooked breakfast and I felt a whole lot better and ready to help with the loading of the cart and we went out.

"Thanks for the breakfast Margaret, I feel better now but me Da won't be happy" says John
"Oh for feck's sake ya eejit" I said looking around "Where is he anyway"
"Under the cart" says he

Priceless

[Laxie]

OMG    How"d he get on in the end?

[duke3016]

OMG    How"d he get on in the end?

I stared at John and managed a strangled "What?"

"Me Da's under that lot" says John

Cue frantic un tackling the horse and lifting the cart off the wall. While we cleared the hay we could hear a low groan. Now I was confused, there would have been no weight on his Da as the cart was propped by the wall. While we were clearing the debris, the horse decided that he had had enough and made a break for home. We let it go.

As I cleared the remaining hay I was met with a very familiar smell. It was the smell of stale beer and the moans were in fact snores. There was John Snr fast asleep with a silly smile on his face. I turned to John jnr with a question on my expression.

"Me Ma said to pick the ould lad up on the way back with the load. He was still in the pub and a couple of the all nighter's that were still there gave me a hand to load him up on top. He must have caused the cart to topple as we passed your place."

Well I creased and doubled up with laughter.

"OK I'll get the car and load your drunken Da and take him home" says I rather too sanctimoniously, causing John to retort.

"On your way back you had better call into the pub because your ould lad is still in there."

That's my Da a great role model...

[duke3016]

And what"s with the Ribena advert. They catapult an innocent berry onto a cart taking other berries to be crushed to make a stupid drink and they celebrate.

Sick I tell you, what is this world coming to.