I walked into our kitchen at home one fine morning, and my mother was seated at the table having one of her one hundred cups of tea.
"You haven't forgotten that you promised to accompany the Old Folks on their pilgrimage to Croagh Patrick today?" she inquired sweetly knowing that I probably had.
FML I had agreed in a moment of madness to accompany 10 of the senior citizens in a mini bus on this pilgrimage. They obviously thought I was serious. No backing out now.
"Of course not, I am looking forward to it" I lied
Now Mt Croagh Patrick is a mountain near the town of Westport in County Mayo. St Patrick is said to have climbed it in 441 AD, he could have chosen a smaller one FFS. Each year, a few of the senior citizens make the trek to the top to pray at the stations of the cross, participate in Mass, do penance (in which case the rocky journey is undertaken barefoot or for the really bad sinners on their knees). There are three pilgrimage stations on the way to the summit of Croagh Patrick, each of which has a sign with instructions for the proper rituals and prayers.
When the time arrived and the Senior Citizens arrived I was not surprised to find that they were all women. My mother made the obligatory pot of tea and we waited for the mini bus. We all piled in and of course, as befits a holy pilgrimage, the prayers started. We prayed all the way to Westport, took a good few hours.
The piled out of the bus and started to take their shoes off. FFS we just covered 3-4 hours of the rosary, we can't be that much in need of penance. My job was to of course accompany them and help them along the way in any way possible. So off came the shoes.
We started at the base of the mountain, the first station, by walking around a mound of stones 7 times whilst saying 7 Our Fathers, 7 Hail Marys and 1 creed. I will go straight to heaven after that can I put my shoes back on please. no chance.
Now the mountain is approximately 2500 feet high and to get to the summit is a fecking long walk over stony paths that threaten to rip your feet apart if you were stupid enough to do it with your shoes off. I looked at the motley crew of women who looked as if a walk to the shops would do them in. FML I am in for a busy afternoon.
Who was I kidding the religious fervour in their brains was a drug that spurned them on and when we reached the summit, which took 3 hours, they were like excited school children and I was knackered, wheezing and coughing like an old man.
The second station is near the chapel and the prayer odds are ramped up. Kneel and say: 7 Our Fathers, 7 Hail Marys, 1 Creed, Pray near the chapel for the Pope"s intentions, Walk 15 times around the chapel while saying: 15 Our Fathers, 15 Hail Marys, Walk 7 times around Patrick"s Bed saying: 7 Our Fathers, 7 Hail Marys, 1 Creed. I was on the fast path to salvation..
I was a physical wreck at this point, but we still had the third station to do. This consisted of Walking 7 times around each mound of stones saying: 7 Our Fathers, 7 Hail Marys, 1 Creed and Walking 7 times around the whole enclosure praying. I was now being considered for canonisation.
I had to be assisted down by the fresh as a daisy Senior Citizens of Bodyke and I slept all the way home as the women prayed again for the whole trip. I surprised myself as I really enjoyed the trip and foolishly signed up for the next trip.
Priceless
