Everyone knows the classic Christmas song The 12 Days Of Christmas, which describes a suitor giving his love a different present on each of the 12 days of the festive season.
I thought it would be fun to see if you can still buy the items today. And, if you can, how much would they cost?
I limited the search to the internet.
"On the first day of Christmas..."
The first gift was a partridge in a pear tree. Typing both phrases into Google reveals that there obviously isn't a calling for fruit trees with accompanying bird anymore, So let's search separately
Day old partridge chicks from £3.20 each. And three-year-old Bergamotte d"Esperen pear bushes available for £26.
Total cost so far: £29.20
"On the second day of Christmas..."
Next on the list is two turtle doves. In the interest of preserving wildlife and also avoiding having to climb trees and hedgerows to get hold of a pair, I am going for an inanimate equivalent.
Royal Grafton plate at £4.99.
Total cost so far: £34.19
"On the third day of Christmas..."
Whoever wrote the song had a penchant for birds of the feathered variety, as next on the list is three French hens. Day-old Marans hens for £2.50.
Total cost so far: £41.69
"On the fourth day of Christmas..."
What exactly is a calling bird? Baby African Grey parrots for £575 each. So four parrots at £575 is £2,300.
Total cost so far: £2,341.69
"On the fifth day of Christmas..."
At last, we"ve moved on from birds. Five gold rings presents a somewhat easier purchase. Five mood gold rings at £17.99 each £89.95 in all. Easy!
Total cost so far: £2,431.64
"On the sixth day of Christmas..."
Back to the birds, and six geese a-laying. Geese for sale seem to be as rare as hen"s teeth but a search for "wildfowl" lets you adopt a duck, sponsor a swan and guard a goose. I presume for £15 per goose per year you get visiting rights (not to mention sampling the eggs, they make a very good custard apparently). So six (adopted) geese at £15 each is £120.
Total cost so far: £2,551.64
So having got our partridge in a pear tree, two turtle doves (albeit on a plate), three French hens, four calling birds (parrots to be precise), five gold rings and six (adopted) geese a-laying, we"ve racked up a total bill so far of £2,551.64.
"On the seventh day of Christmas..."
OK, seven swans a-swimming. Well, the cheapest option would be to go to the local river and try and grab them. But as well as being a criminal offence, I don't fancy the idea of subduing an irate swan. So as with the six geese, it's back to sponsorship. The opportunity to sponsor a swan is £10 per year and we can go and watch them swim there any time. So another small cheat of a solution sets us back £70.
Total cost so far: £2,621.64
"On the eighth day of Christmas..."
Now, this is even more of a challenge. Eight maids a-milking. So we"re going to be somewhat lateral. Supposing you found eight young ladies willing and able to squeeze a cow"s udders (not to mention wear a costume). Assuming we"re only going to need them for an hour, that"s approx £30.40. Hypothetical, yes, but there seems to be a drought of milk maids advertising their services online.
Total cost so far: £2,652.04
"On the ninth day of Christmas..."
Next, we need nine ladies dancing. The song doesn"t state the dance to be performed so we"ve gone for some very modium podium dancers. These can be hired £135 each.
9 x £135 is £1,215. Things are getting expensive...
Total cost so far: £3,867.04
"On the tenth day of Christmas..."
Costs are starting to escalate rapidly now. Aside from the fact that it would probably take a great deal of persuasion and a great deal of brandy to get ten Lords to leap, hiring such a distinguished person is not a cheap exercise. Hiring the services of such an eminent person will cost in excess of £10,000. So, say we take the bottom end of their price spectrum and assume they will agree to leap, call it £100,000.
Total cost so far: £103,867.04
"On the eleventh day of Christmas..."
After the huge expense of their Lordships, I was relieved to hear that hiring 11 pipers to do their stuff would be comparatively cheaper. £100 + VAT each for three hours. So 11 x £100 is £1,100 plus £192.50 VAT, which comes to a total of £1,292.50.
Total cost so far: £105,159.54
"On the twelfth day of Christmas..."
This is the final hurdle. To add to the general cacophany of Lords leaping, maids milking and pipers piping we add 12 drummers drumming. They cost £1,200 per day. Let"s hope they don"t stray too near to the milk maids or it could get messy...
So our grand total is: £106,359.54
As you can see, getting hold of these gifts is not as easy as it might once have been, even with the aid of modern technology. Now, I"ve got all these birds and not a turkey in sight...
