Duke attempts the Impossible

[duke3016]

[duke3016]

In or around 1973 my Uncle Dex was still working in England and had decided that he would return home to the metropolis of Bodyke. In order to facilitate this he sent my cousin Carol over in advance so she could start school as she was 11 and it would be her first year in Secondary school.

She stayed with us for the best part of a year and slept upstairs in what was my Great Aunt Molly's room. Now there were stories about that room that would make you shiver if you happened to believe in that sort of thing.

It had an old fireplace that was no longer in use but when the wind picked up it would produce a noise down the chimney that was scary to say the least. So before she arrived the ould lad sent me up onto the roof to close off the chimney top whilst he blocked it from below.

“Can't be having the wee girl frightened”  says he (Shock horror the ould lad was going soft)

“She'll be waking me up with her blubbering”  (back to normal)


Anyway, I was along the hall fast asleep when I heard the most piercing scream, as if someone was being murdered. I shot out of bed and ran along the hall and burst open the door to the bedroom where Carol was staying. As I did a bat glided past me almost colliding with my head. I whipped round and it reached the end of the hall and disappeared down the stairs.

Carol was bolt upright in the bed with a look of abject fear on her face.

“What was that” she stammered
“A bat” says I  “It's gone now”

I heard the ould lad bounding up the stairs and I turned half  expecting him to be bearing the shotgun and I steeled myself for a dive to the floor. However all he had was a hurley and I relaxed.

“What the feck” says He

I explained and my mother arrived and calmed Carol down and said she would stay in the room with her that night. Myself and the ould lad went down stairs in order to find this animal and dispose of it. We could find no sign.

“You sure it was a bat” says he
“Aye” says I
“Were you drinking last night” says he
“It was a fecking bat” says I
“And her door was closed when you got to it” says he
“Aye” says I “and the windows were closed as well
“Did you secure the top of the chimney properly” says he
“Did you secure the bottom of it properly” retorted I
“Well how the feck did it get in” says he
“Well how the feck has it got out” says I “we can't find it”

We never did find it, or find out how it got in or out

[duke3016]

We had a caravan by the side of the shop whilst we were building it and the house. When both these were finished the caravan was there for a while. My great friend Richie Maloney and a friend of his were out one night and of course we had a few too many so we thought that we would bunk down in the caravan that night.

We were over in Scarriff and got a late night chippie and headed back to Bodyke to retire for the night. Early in the morning I thought I heard a noise at the back of the shop and got up to investigate. Richie and his mate stirred and decided to lend a hand in case there was trouble.

I grabbed a hurley that was in the caravan and went outside followed by the other two brave souls. I looked around and saw they had decided to arm themselves, Richie's mate had a chicken leg from the night before and Richie had a spoon in his hand, they were still drunk

FFS I walked round the back and turned round the back of the shop, Richie's mate thought he saw someone and took off away from the shop into the field behind, Richie followed and they sprinted down the field shouting at the tops of their voices.

Their forward progress was interrupted by the stream at the foot of the field and they both fell in. FFS good job there was no-one trying to rob the place and I strolled down the field towards them.

“We've got the little fecker” says Richie
“ Aye” shouts his mate “Good and proper”

I reached the stream and there they were wrestling with one of P J Hogans bull calves in the stream as its mother watched bemused from the other bank..

Priceless days, good craic

[duke3016]

I have often extolled the virtues of our restaurant at work. It is heavily subsidised and does serve up fantastic fare.

This weeks menu - I had the Best end of lamb today

Chicken with Dahl sauce today, side of roasted vegetables and saute potatoes.

[Fatcatstu]

I have often extolled the virtues of our restaurant at work. It is heavily subsidised and does serve up fantastic fare.

This weeks menu - I had the Best end of lamb today

Chicken with Dahl sauce today, side of roasted vegetables and saute potatoes.

Pork roll in a light fluffy pastry casing.

[duke3016]

[duke3016]

The Charge Of Degen Brigade (With apologies to Alfred, Lord Tennyson)
Visualising Events in the Battle of Las Vegas, November 2016


Half a brain half a brain,
Half a brain between them,
All in the valley of Vegas
Rode the six hunted:
"Forward, the Degen Brigade!
Charge for the tables" he said:
Into the valley of Vegas
Rode the six hunted.

"Forward, the Degen Brigade!"
Was there a man dismay"d ?
Not tho" the dealer knew
Some one had blunder"d:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but raise, call or die,
Into the valley of Vegas
Rode the six hunted.

Fatcatstu to right of them,
UKtom to left of them,
The Rock in front of them
Duke & Curley thunder"d;
Rodders at cash and ringing the bell,
Boldly they played and well,
Into the flops of Death,
Into the raises from Hell
Rode the six hunted.

Flush"d all their cards bare,
Flush"d as they turn"d nowhere
Raising the eejits there,
Charging a casino while
All the world wonder"d:
Plunged in the cigarette-smoke
Right thro" the line they broke;
American & Canadian
Reel"d from the master-stroke,
Shatter"d & sunder"d.
Then they sat back, but not
Not the six hunted.

Fatcatstu to right of them,
UKtom to left of them,
The rock in front of them
Duke & Curley thunder"d;
Rodders at cash and ringing the bell,
While one or two of them fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro" the jaws of Vegas,
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hunted.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild plays they made!
All the world wonder"d.
Honour the trip they made!
Honour the Degen Brigade,
Noble six hunted!

[pokerpops]

The Charge Of Degen Brigade (With apologies to Alfred, Lord Tennyson)
Visualising Events in the Battle of Las Vegas, November 2016


Half a brain half a brain,
Half a brain between them,
All in the valley of Vegas
Rode the six hunted:
"Forward, the Degen Brigade!
Charge for the tables" he said:
Into the valley of Vegas
Rode the six hunted.

"Forward, the Degen Brigade!"
Was there a man dismay"d ?
Not tho" the dealer knew
Some one had blunder"d:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but raise, call or die,
Into the valley of Vegas
Rode the six hunted.

Fatcatstu to right of them,
UKtom to left of them,
The Rock in front of them
Duke & Curley thunder"d;
Rodders at cash and ringing the bell,
Boldly they played and well,
Into the flops of Death,
Into the raises from Hell
Rode the six hunted.

Flush"d all their cards bare,
Flush"d as they turn"d nowhere
Raising the eejits there,
Charging a casino while
All the world wonder"d:
Plunged in the cigarette-smoke
Right thro" the line they broke;
American & Canadian
Reel"d from the master-stroke,
Shatter"d & sunder"d.
Then they sat back, but not
Not the six hunted.

Fatcatstu to right of them,
UKtom to left of them,
The rock in front of them
Duke & Curley thunder"d;
Rodders at cash and ringing the bell,
While one or two of them fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro" the jaws of Vegas,
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hunted.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild plays they made!
All the world wonder"d.
Honour the trip they made!
Honour the Degen Brigade,
Noble six hunted!

Well written Sir. I hope the six hunted fare better than did the six hundred.

[duke3016]

I had the steak today - lovely it was - sets me up for a night at the aquarium.....

[duke3016]

[Fatcatstu]

I had the steak today - lovely it was - sets me up for a night at the aquarium.....

Highest quality poker training for Vegas. I like your style.

[duke3016]

[duke3016]

Winning already - checked the wardrobe and there was enough ironed shirts/Tshirts for Vegas. Checked the drawers - enough socks and undies. Checked the bathroom - enough sprays etc.

Running good

[duke3016]

[duke3016]

Our house, opposite the church, is the first house on the left as you enter the village. Now about the time that Ireland was holding its first referendum for joining the EEC, circa 1972, I was coming home from the Tulla direction at about 3am, down the Cannon's Hill and just before the church, into my lights I saw a figure hunched in the road with his arse sticking up in the air.

I took evasive action, damn near ran over the eejit and ended up hitting the curb on the other side. I got out of that car and the figure was straightening up and I saw it was one of the Murphy boys and he was busy writing something on the road in big letters.

He had a can of white paint in one hand and a large distemper brush in the other.

“Morning Ger” says he
“Morning Tom” says I “grand night for it”
“Aye” says Tom
“What are you at” says I
“I have a great passion for Ireland being independent and the shackles of the EEC will bind it and strangle our nationality” says he (he must have read that somewhere because Tom was not royally blessed in the workings of his cranial cavity)
“Feck Off, No” says I
“Oh yes” says he

He went back to his labours.

“You won't tell the Guards that I wrote the slogan” says he
“What do you take me for” says I
“Good man” says he.
“What exactly are you writing anyway” says I
“EEC, NOT GOOD FOR IRELAND” says he “Good Eh”

I looked at the fruits of his labours.

“I thought you were against us joining the EEC” says I
“I am” says he “and all will know it after this night, I have written this in 10 places already”
“You sure you're against it” says I
“What do you mean” says he, angrily rising to his full 5' 4”
“You missed out the word NOT” says I “See you tomorrow at mass, goodnight”

I left him snarling and cursing at his mistake and went to bed. I got up in the morning and because there was no room for the word “NOT”, the word 'GOOD' was crossed out and “SH*T” was written above it.

Bless

He had to change all his other masterpieces that he had created. However when driving out of the village the following day and spotting the rest, most of them had another 4 letter word in place of “GOOD” , he must have lost the plot altogether and left the message that the EEC was to perform some bodily functions for the citizens of Ireland.