A general view of your Fortunes......
AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes over and over again. People think you are stupid.
PISCES (Feb. 19 to Mar. 20)
You take the high road, look for the good things, carry the Platinum American Express card and a weapon. The world is yours today, as nobody else wants it. Your house will be repossessed. You will probably get run over by a bus.
ARIES (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice. You are not very nice.
TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull headed. You are a Communist.
GEMINI (May 21 to Jun. 20)
Good news and bad news highlighted. Enjoy the good news while you can; the bad news will make you forget it. You will enjoy praise and respect from those around you; everybody loves a sucker. A short trip is in the stars, possibly to the toilet.
CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people"s problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. That"s why you"ll never make anything of yourself. Most people on the dole are Cancer people.
LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are pushy. Most Leo people are bullies. You are vain and dislike honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieves.
VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
Learn something new today, like how to spell or how to count to ten without using your fingers. Be careful dressing this morning. You may be hit by a car later in the day and you wouldn"t want to be taken to the doctor"s office in some of that old underwear you own.
LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a man, you are more than likely gay. Chances for employment and monetary gains are excellent. Most Libra women are prostitutes. All Libra people die of Sexually Transmitted Diseases.
SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You will achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. Most Scorpio people are murdered.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or dope fiends or both. People laugh at you a great deal.
CAPRICORN (Dec 23 - Jan 19)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don"t do much of anything and are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still for too long as they take root and become trees.
