Duke attempts the Impossible

[duke3016]

[duke3016]

[duke3016]

We had a supermarket and lived in a bungalow attached to the shop. One morning, very early, my father shook me awake it was about 3am

"Get up" says he
"Uh" says I
"Get up and get your shotgun" says he

Wide awake now

"What's up Da" says I
"We have robbers in the shop get your gun" says he.

Now I am a big lad and so was the ould man.

"whoa Da we can deal with it without the gun" says I
"Get the gun NOW" says he.

Well the gun was in the wardrobe and I retrieved it with a belt of cartridges. The ould lad took the gun, fed two shells in and put the belt over his shoulder. All the way through the hall and the kitchen I was pleading with him to put the gun down and we would deal with it.

"No fecking robber is fecking going to fecking rob my fecking shop" says he (he was on form that night)

We passed through the small store and into the shop when a shadow passed the front door and bugger me if the ould lad didn't let go with both barrels. The glass took the brunt of the shot and shattered and the ould lad took off running jumping through the hole where the glass was and fed two more shells into the gun and let fly up the road and he wasn't aiming high either. A distant figure could be seen legging it up the road too far away for the shot to do him any damage.

The ould lad gave me the gun..

"feckers, get the brush NOW" says he

We were never robbed again.......

[MAIR]

LOL im loving these Ger, gr8 job keep it coming.

[HaworthBantam]

You should put a book together, Ger, fantastic reading.

[lukybugur]

Magic! I"d like to hear one / two a day tho as I"d hate to think he might run out and be forgotten about in the 2009 Awards :"(

[duke3016]

Right off to Sunny Swindon in a few minutes and the delights of the "magic roundabouts", I am there for three days on business and might not get to this blog what with hotels and being on expenses...........

If the hotel has wi fi you never know -- I"ll be back on Wednesday in the $5 rebuy. I excel at rebuys -- not....

[duke3016]

[duke3016]

We used to deliver groceries to people in the outlying areas who had no transport, pillars of the community us (or mean grabbing b*stards).

Anyway, I was delivering up the mountain to the last house in the road where lived one Mike "mowley" McNamara. He was a bull of a man if a little slow in the upstairs department. Would give you the shirt off his back and then beat you to get it back.

My very first encounter with this man was in Minogues Bar in the village. He didn't come down the mountain much but when he did he would stay for a while and get absolutely plastered. Anyway he walked into the bar and had a tray of the most obnoxious looking vegetables that he had grown himself. They were awful. Denis Minogue obviously saw my face and whispered.

"Buy some off him" says he
"What" says I
"Trust me" says he

Mike trust the tray under my nose and the smell was awful, I picked one particular manky looking tomato and placed 50p on the tray.

"Thank you sir" says he waiting.
"I'll finish my pint and get some salt before I eat it" says I with a sincere look on my face.
"Good Man" says he

He went over to another man, a stranger to the village and thrust the tray under his nose.

"Feck off" says the man
"Oh Oh " says Denis Minogue

Then the scene exploded, Mike dumped the tray on this guy's head and proceeded to kick the Shiite out of him, tables were over turned as we grappled with Mike, God he was a strong bugger. As quick as the fight started it was over. The stranger had legged it and Mike picked up the tray and thrust it under the next man's nose. He did a roaring trade.

Back to the grocery delivery..

I was going down their long drive to the house when a car came out and I was forced to move to the left. Crunch, my front wheel when into the ditch. The other car kept going and I got out and the wheel was well and truly in the ditch. Mike walked up the road took a look and lifted the front of the car effortlessly out ditch and back on the road.. One of the strongest men I have ever met.  

[Waz1892]

We used to deliver groceries to people in the outlying areas who had no transport, pillars of the community us (or mean grabbing b*stards).

Anyway, I was delivering up the mountain to the last house in the road where lived one Mike "mowley" McNamara. He was a bull of a man if a little slow in the upstairs department. Would give you the shirt off his back and then beat you to get it back.

My very first encounter with this man was in Minogues Bar in the village. He didn't come down the mountain much but when he did he would stay for a while and get absolutely plastered. Anyway he walked into the bar and had a tray of the most obnoxious looking vegetables that he had grown himself. They were awful. Denis Minogue obviously saw my face and whispered.

"Buy some off him" says he
"What" says I
"Trust me" says he

Mike trust the tray under my nose and the smell was awful, I picked one particular manky looking tomato and placed 50p on the tray.

"Thank you sir" says he waiting.
"I'll finish my pint and get some salt before I eat it" says I with a sincere look on my face.
"Good Man" says he

He went over to another man, a stranger to the village and thrust the tray under his nose.

"Feck off" says the man
"Oh Oh " says Denis Minogue

Then the scene exploded, Mike dumped the tray on this guy's head and proceeded to kick the Shiite out of him, tables were over turned as we grappled with Mike, God he was a strong bugger. As quick as the fight started it was over. The stranger had legged it and Mike picked up the tray and thrust it under the next man's nose. He did a roaring trade.

Back to the grocery delivery..

I was going down their long drive to the house when a car came out and I was forced to move to the left. Crunch, my front wheel when into the ditch. The other car kept going and I got out and the wheel was well and truly in the ditch. Mike walked up the road took a look and lifted the front of the car effortlessly out ditch and back on the road.. One of the strongest men I have ever met.  

by god i hope you said thank-you!

[Trademans]

[duke3016]

Still waiting for the blatant brag post "ive satted into Wallsal?"  no game review as yet?

Played two hands, got lucky, limped into the last 22 -- nuff said

[Trademans]

Still waiting for the blatant brag post "ive satted into Wallsal?"  no game review as yet?

Played two hands, got lucky, limped into the last 22 -- nuff said

result....  

[duke3016]

Still waiting for the blatant brag post "ive satted into Wallsal?"  no game review as yet?

Played two hands, got lucky, limped into the last 22 -- nuff said

result....  

You knocked the wee man out of the $10 tonight -- don"t know if we can ever forgive you QJ FFS

[duke3016]

Now following on from the "Rambo" incident when the ould lad thought he was Sylvester Stallone as we repelled the robbers. Well he repelled them, I was trying to stop him committing, in his words "justi-fecking-fiable homicide". When he was in full flow the swear words would often appear in the middle of the word.

The Guards arrived the following day to investigate the discharge of a firearm at 3am. Sergeant Nolan and Guard Daly arrived in full uniform and walked into the shop. I was stacking shelves at the time and stopped, drew up a chair and sat down. My father's hatred of the Guards was legendary and this should be fun.

"Well Michael, I am here to investigate a report of a firearm being discharged at 3am this morning" says the Sergeant

"What you fecking talking about" says the ould lad

"A concerned neighbour reported hearing shotgun fire this morning" says the Sergeant

"Concerned neighbour ? fecking nosey fecker you mean" says the ould lad

"This neighbour is adamant" says the Sergeant

"I can guess what nosey fecker it was and it was probably her old man letting rip a drunken fart as he got in from the pub" says the ould lad

The Sergeant sighed and looked around because he knew he would get no sense out of the ould lad.

"Michael, how did the glass get broken" says the Sergeant

"Bicycle banged against it" says the ould lad


Now it didn't take Columbo to work out that the glass was all on the outside,

"Michael, All the glass is on the outside" says the Sergeant, rather smugly

"Yes you fecking eejit, Gerard cleaned it all up this morning and put it outside" says the ould lad rather like he was talking to a child.

FFS don't bring me into this I am in enough trouble with the law as it is.

"Is this true Gerard" says the Sergeant

The brain thought "What a stupid question, as if I am going to contradict the ould lad"

The mouth said "Yes Sergeant"

"I'm watching you two" says the Sergeant (FFS why watch me) and they left in the squad car.

"Feckers, they wouldn't find a clue if it fecking bit them on the arse" says the ould lad.


More on the ould lad and his dislike for members of the Garda Siochana later ..