Duke attempts the Impossible

[duke3016]

Not very well today and stayed at home..

5.000 channels and they all suck FFS

[Swinebag]

Not very well today and stayed at home..

5.000 channels and they all suck FFS

Fire up a few tourneys then??

[ForthThistle]

School Break Rob ...

[MAIR]

Hope u feel better later hun x

[kinboshi]

[duke3016]

A little advice for people going to Walsall,

Now me, I will play alphabet poker

A = Always lay down to a Kinboshi Raise
B = Beaten by a Kinboshi raise
C = Can"t call a Kinboshi raise
D = Dead in the water to a Kinboshi raise
E= Even if I have the nuts I can"t call a Kinboshi raise
F = Feck he"s raised again
G = Great hand Kinboshi -- You little shiite
H = Have it !!!!!!!
I = I fold
J = Jesus A"s again
K = Kill Kinboshi-- no that would be too quick
L = Leave it out Kinboshi that"s five times now
M = Mother of God -- if you raise again I will not be responsible for my actions
N = No way have you a straight -- you have
O = Ok now its war
P = Perhaps you would like to rethink that bet -- no -- ok fold
Q = Quintessentially I think you have feck all -- oops wrong
R = Rotten luck him hitting runner runner -- oh well
T = That's the last time you raise me
U = Unlucky with that last call Duke
V = Visits to Kinboshi in hospital will be orderly and refined
W = What the Feck
X = X-ray vision -- he must have x-ray vision
Y = You are possibly the luckiest man alive
Z = Zoo -- Zoo -- you belong in a home for the criminally insane

Have a nice day and I hope you"re not on his table

[MAIR]

[kinboshi]

[duke3016]

Now my son was brought, kicking and screaming, into this world a healthy 9lbs 11ozs and to be honest has never been any trouble ever. I can count myself very lucky. When he was three years old (because of his mother's influence) he was a Queen fan and had all the moves and most of the words to their songs.

One day he was watching them on video when his older sister (she was 9) arrived in the room and changed over to the proper telly to watch some other tripe that wee girls watch. He went to protest and she pushed him away and he fell on his arse.

I watched this with a bit of interest and was about to intervene when I thought twice. Who do I support here, him because he was watching first, or her because he had been hogging the TV all day. Well before I could say anything Ger picked himself up and looked around the room. No histrionics, no yelling, just quiet determination etched on his face.

He went over to the hoover and surveyed it. He took the bottom bit off and disconnected the long tube from the top. Hefted in his hand (he was three remember) and looked at Marie

No, he wasn't, he wouldn't, he did........

He hit her from behind with the piece of plastic, if he was older he might have done damage. She sprawled on the floor and he calmly switch back to the video..

Bless.......

[duke3016]

[duke3016]

We used to have a local pool team, we were crap but the Craic was good especially when we played other teams in their own place. We travelled to Kilanena and were due to play against Canny's pub. Now the inhabitants of this particular establishment were the proof that you can take the man out of the mountain but no way could you take the mountain out of the man.

Of course we all met up in Minouge's in the Village beforehand just to grease our elbows. There was two pubs in the village, the said Minogue's and Mike Slattery's bar for whom we played darts. No favouritism we shared our custom equally. 

Minouge's is no more and closed over 20 years ago a victim of apathy and in fighting but that's another story, and there are a few.

Anyway, we hit for the hills and arrived in good order for the game. We would usually go en mass and have a few supporters as well. Paschal O'Halloran was in the team and his brother Pat was one of the spectators. Now Pat was the exact opposite of Paschal, he enjoyed a drink and wouldn't say boo to a goose. He was at the bar enjoying the game when the following exchange occurred.

Pat lifted his pint and a rather large gentleman said

"That's not your pint"
"I think it is" says Pat
"It's not your pint" growled the man
"Umm I am sure it is" says Pat
"It's not your pint and don't argue with me because you have no backing" says the man

Paschal was playing a shot at the pool table and turned round, creamed the guy with the cue, turned round to complete his shot and said.

"That's to show he has backing, do you understand"

The game was forgotten and the melee began.

Good days, priceless

[duke3016]

We were in Mike Slattery's bar in Bodyke one summer's day and were having a lovely time. Of course the day ran into evening and into night and the doors were closed and the serious drinking started. It didn't last long, the door was rapped

"Guards on Duty, open up"

Well we really couldn't flee unless we wanted to get stung to death by the huge nettles at the back of Mikes, so we sat still whilst Mike opened the door. It was Sergeant Nolan and a new Guard whose name escapes me at the moment. They worked their way along the bar..

"Name?"
"Address?"
"Any reason for being on these premises?"

They got a few sarcastic comments, but in the main people were resigned to their fate. The Sergeant got to me.

"Name, Gerard ?" FFS what a plank
"Gerard Smyth, Sergeant" says I

"Address ?" FFS you just interviewed me at the shop 50mtrs down the road yesterday.
"Bodyke, Sergeant" says I

"Any reason for being on these premises?"
"Just came in to borrow a pitchfork, Sergeant" says I
"No reason then"
"No reason, Sergeant" says I

He continued until he had all the names and we were herded out into the car park whilst Mike got a lecture and they left and Mike locked the door.

Now John Burke was totally out of his tree and was attempting to open the door of his car completely oblivious to the fact that the Guards were watching him. He was trying to guide the key into the lock (No fobs in those days) by placing his two fingers around the lock and carefully running the key along his fingers hoping that it would eventually engage and open the door for him.

The Sergeant tapped him on the shoulder, and John turned round and squinted at him.

"Is this your car John ?" says the Sergeant
"Just one more payment Sergeant" says John


Priceless  

[duke3016]

[APAT]

[duke3016]

donkey O'Deas, now there was a pub and a half it is one of Ireland's oldest family run pubs (established in 1695; licensed in 1790), situated on the Ennis to Kilrush road in a place called Lissycasey. This is a truly traditional pub, complete with a warm open turf fire which has been kept burning for over 200 years.
donkey O" Deas is also famous for the egg flip - a drink made from a secret recipe handed from generation to generation, it is the house speciality! After a few pints it can really get you going




We pulled in there on the way back from playing a rugby match in Kilrush (Sunday evening) and left on Thursday. We had a tremendous time augmented by the continual playing of the fizz buzz drinking game (later on that alright).

Anyway we got so flutered that no one could drive and we slept in the car.

Started with a hair of the dog on Monday morning that turned into a full blown session. In those days you could get a round of drinks for three and two games of pool for a punt.

Monday Afternoon
"Will we be getting home" says Eamonn
"Aye Ok one more then" says we
"Ok, then we go"
"Aye"
Slept in car

Tuesday Morning
"Will we be getting home" says Eamonn
"Aye, OK we'll have one for the road" says we
"Ok, then we go"
"Aye"
Slept in car

Wednesday Morning
"Will we be getting home" says Eamonn
"Right let's go" says I
"Good we'll just have one for the road" says Eamonn he was warming to the task
"Ok, then we go"
"Aye"
Slept in car

Thursday ran out of money went home

Priceless