Duke attempts the Impossible

[duke3016]

[duke3016]

I am off to Swindon tomorrow for a huge system upgrade that I have to manage, I will be back approx next Thursday, So if I don"t post during this period please forgive me, I will be back as soon as humanly possible with more ramblings

[duke3016]

With apologies to C W McAll

Breaker one nine this here"s the Donkey Duke
You got a copy on me Swinebag Come on

Yeah ten four Swinebag for sure for sure
By golly it"s clean clear to Walsall Come on
Yeah it"s a big ten four there Swinebag
Yeah we definately got the front door good buddy
Mercy sakes alive looks like we got us a convoy

It was the dark of the moon on the 7th of Feb
in a Beamer haulin lots
Cab over Kinboshi with a reefer on & a Jimmy Eck haulin Scots

We was headin for bear on "M6 J one O"
bout a mile outa Walsall town
I says Swinebag this here"s the Donkey Duke
And I"m about to put the all in down

Cause we got a little old convoy rocking thru the night
Yeah we got a little APAT convoy ain"t she a beautiful sight
Come on & join our APAT convoy, ain"t nothin" gonna get in our way
We"re gonna roll this truckin" APAT convoy across the GUKPT

breaker Swinebag this here"s the Duke
you wanna back off them scots
ten four about five mile or so
Ten Roger them Scots is gettin intense up here

By the time we got into Walsall town we had 85 cars in all
But there"s a road block up on the clover leaf
And them Des's was wall to wall
Yeah them APATers was thick as bugs on a bumper
They even had a Des in the air
I says callin all cars this here"s the Duke
And we about to go ahuntin Des

you wanna give me a ten nine on that Swinebag
A Negatory Swinebag you"re still too close
Yeah them Scots startin to close up my sinuses
Mercy sakes you better back off another  ten

Well we rolled up Into Junction 10 like a rocket sled on rails
We tore up all of our cheat sheets & left em settin" on the scales
By the time we hit that shy town that Des was agettin smart
He'd brought up some reinforcements from the APAT National Guard
There"s armoured Tightys & TK's & Compo's & Cameras of every size
Yeah that Casino was full of Sky suits and swear words filled the skies
Well we shot the line & we went for broke with a thousand screaming cars
And eleven long haired friends of Bainn in a chartruse MicroBus

Donkey Duke this is Cipaccrual come on
yeah ten four Chipacurral ... listen you want to put that MicroBus
In behind that Lukybugur
Yeah he"s gone in with Shiite & he needs all the help he can get.


Well we laid a strip from the Walsall G and chips prepared to cross the line
I could see the pot was lined with fish but I didn"t give a doggone dime
I says Swinebag this here"s the Duke, we just ain"t a gonna pay no toll
So we crashed the pot with eight & eight I says let them chips roll ten four

ten four Swinebag what"s your twenty
AT HOME
We"re gonna scare them Scots out there for sure
Well Mercy sakes good buddy, we"re gonna back on outta here
So keep the flushes off your table & Des off your ass
We"ll catch you on the coin flip
This here"s the Donkey Duke on the side
We gone Bye Bye.


Have a good day

[Dewi_cool]

excellent stuff Ger. Good luck Ger Bach in Walsall

[duke3016]

excellent stuff Ger. Good luck Ger Bach in Walsall

He"s just lucky he never listens to me

[lukybugur]

   

[Swinebag]

 

+1....speechless

[APAT]

 

+1....speechless

lol +2.....thread not to show my wife methinks  

[APAT]

Couldn"t not post this photo on the APAT forum Ger.  The Duke and "the boys" in Vegas in 2008.

[duke3016]

Couldn"t not post this photo on the APAT forum Ger.  The Duke and "the boys" in Vegas in 2008.

The invisible men -- can anyone else see a picture

By the way Swindon is not the best of towns to go for a piss up -- no offence to any Swindonians

[technolog]

It"s this old pic Ger - I"m sure we"re all a little more, ahem, ripped now.

[duke3016]

I was in Limerick one night and wandered back to my car when I spotted my passenger car door open. I looked around and could see no one in the vicinity and walked nearer the car. I could see two legs sticking out of the door.

I checked the reg on the car, Yep it was my car alright. I reached the door and leaned on the top of it. There was a young lad with his head under the dashboard fiddling about.

"Ahem" I coughed
"Feck off and find your own car to rob" says he

Well the inside of the passenger door had lost its inside stuff (I took it off and didn't bother to fix it back a while ago) and it was pure metal. So I opened the door to its fullest extent and slammed it shut on his legs. There was a satisfying crunch as it connected and a startled cry of pain.

I grabbed his legs and dragged him from the car. Unfortunately his head also cracked off the door sill as I did, which made him forget the pain in his leg momentarily. He was sprawled on the pavement not knowing whether to hold his head or his leg.

I closed the passenger door and got in and drove home.

Kids eh !!!!!

[lukybugur]

LOL!

Unfortunately his head also cracked off the door sill"??

That"s a brucey bonus if you ask me! I"d have aimed to clip his feet / legs with the back wheels too as I departed!

[duke3016]

O"Connors In Doolin is a great pub for traditional music and was a place I visited many a time



We had great craic there and sometimes would camp in a field overlooking the Atlantic. You would wake up in the morning and your hangover would disappear with a combination of magnificent scenery and gale force winds....

Myself and Eamonn Stuart were there one weekend and we were staying in a tent. We were having tremendous fun in the pub, listening to the music and chatting up some of the female population.

Eamonn latched onto one wee english girl in particular and seemed to be getting on famously. Whilst I as usual struck out, so I stuck to drinking. Eamonn came over and told me he was off out and would I be so kind as to not come back to the tent for at least an hour. No problem the bar was open.

He headed off arm in arm with this wee girl and I went back to sampling the great Guinness on offer. Who should come in then but Eamonn"s father with a couple of other people. I shook hands and was introduced to the couple. It turned out the man was Eamonn"s uncle who had emigrated some 20 years previously.

We chatted for a while and Eamonn"s uncle turned to his wife and said.

"Where"s Breda" says the uncle
"Must be in another pub" says his wife
"Where"s Eamonn" says Eamonn"s father
"Off out for a bit of fresh air" says I

Oh Oh !!!

"What does Breda look like" says I

They described Eamonn"s woman to a tee. I made an excuse and left the pub and legged it up the road. I shouted outside the tent and Eamonn came out.

"Feck off Ger, I doing well here" says he thankfully still fully clothed
"Eamonn she"s your first cousin" says I
"WHAT" says he
"Your fathers in the pub with your uncle" says I
"FECK" says he

It"s a small world eh..... a lucky escape, of course he had to explain to the girl who gave a little shriek and ran off down the road. We didn"t go to the pub and left for Mayo he following morning......

[duke3016]

In 1976 I was playing senior rugby and considered myself extremely fit. I was training 3 nights a week and playing every weekend. We played a match against a touring Australian side and were getting hammered. I was playing lock and in the lineout my opposite number was getting the better of me all the time.

My captain told me in no uncertain terms that I was to address the anomaly. Now the only way to do this was to hit him.

In the next lineout I left it uncontested and as he came down from his leap I rammed my elbow under his ribs. Now this would cripple a normal man. He wasn't normal, he grunted, landed, fed the ball back and then hit me.

I woke up with a crowd around me trying to focus on the trainer's hand to count fingers.

In the next lineout, he turned to me.

"Are we going to stop that Shiite" says he
"Yes" says I
"Good" says he.

Hard man, much harder than I would ever be, we had a few pints after. priceless