Duke attempts the Impossible

[APAT]

My 21st birthday party was a riotous affair but was great craic. It was held in the ballroom of my Uncle's hotel and that was his present to me along with a free bar for 2 hours. Bless him. My two sister's had come over from England for the do and my current bit of passion, Pauline Wade was also there.

My father was of course holding court at the end of the bar with his brother, lowering the levels of a couple of bottles of Brandy. The music was provided by the Grogan Brothers whose mix of folk and country went down very well with the attendees.

I had hired a coach for my workmates who were coming from Shannon and there was approximately 200 people there. What was very nice is that there was only two fights, although the second one was a bit protracted it was carried out in a fairly orderly fashion. The highlight of the second one was the fact that me and the ould lad fought side by side, , what nostalgia.

Anyway, as the night drew on Pauline got a little annoyed at the antics and as her brother was going home she shot off with him. Don't blame her really she wasn't getting much attention from me. The night drew to a close around 3am and the hardened campaigner's adjourned back to Bodyke to continue the proceedings in the local.

Now the following day Bodyke United soccer team (I kid you not) were due to play in the semi final of the Munster junior cup in Waterford and as most of the players were at the do we mounted the coach at 8am hammered and having had no sleep.

I was in goal and I only gave away 3 penalties (I saved two of them) and wasn't sent off, which was a mystery to me as I was suffering so badly that I wanted to be sent off so I could retire to the clubhouse for a hair of the dog. We lost 3-0 which was not a bad result against the eventual winners of the competition as we finished the game with 8 men. 3 lucky buggers managed to get an early bath.

The trip home was a riot and when we arrived in the village at about 8pm that night the residue from the party was already in good voice. So we joined in.

You could do those things when you were 21 and still get up for work on the Monday. Couldn't do it now though.


Priceless days, sorely missed                          

You seem to have a bottomless pit of these great stories Duke.

Not sure if you do requests, but if you do - what was your first job in England and how did you fit in?

[duke3016]

You seem to have a bottomless pit of these great stories Duke.

Not sure if you do requests, but if you do - what was your first job in England and how did you fit in?

Now that"s a doozy -- Request accepted and working on it as we speak

[duke3016]

In April of 1988 my marriage was in tatters and was ended by mutual consent. I couldn't stay around so my eyes turned to England. My sister was living in Cheshire and she agreed to put me up for a while so off I went.

Prior to leaving I was working as an Analyst Programmer in the Digital plant in Galway specializing in development of automated systems. I signed up for a couple of agencies on my arrival and got a few interviews. One of which was with my current employer.

I arrived for the interview at 10:00 and it went well, I saw the head of IT and personnel and when the interview was concluded I was asked to wait in reception. Now it transpired that they were putting in an automated conveyor belt pick and pallet system at the time of my arrival and it would seem my current experience was what they were looking for.

I was summoned into the IT Directors office.

"We want to offer you the job" says he
"I have a few more interviews" says I

He mentioned the salary, the other interviews were binned I was to start on Monday.

The initial reaction to me in the department was very positive. To be honest there are not a lot of people I don't get on with. I soon fitted in, although the culture of office politics was alien to me, and to a certain extent still is. I couldn't get my head round the culture of meetings that went on so long with people skirting around the subject and repeating things that were already done to death. I was used to direct talk from direct people and struggled with this culture.

The favourite pet hate was, when the boss spoke every other person would say the same thing using different words and rinse and repeat for ages.

I had the misfortune of speaking my mind and still do (don't attend many policy meetings these days LOL) and that got me into a little hot water for a while.

But they soon got used to me, and I to them and it has been a wonderful relationship for the last 21 years. As most of my work is based around Supply Chain and physical warehouses, direct speech is understood more readily in that environment. 

With me what they saw is what they got and I must be doing something right as I am still there..

[pables]

What a great resume and what a fantastic series of posts.

Please keep them up Duke and look forward to meeting you in the not too distant future.

[duke3016]

Got a new logo -- watch out for it on a Polo shirt near you

[KarmaDope]

Got a new logo -- watch out for it on a Polo shirt near you

Mine"s a medium then plz.

[duke3016]

on the new order list

[KarmaDope]

on the new order list

Excellent. Got to find my one for next week, its somewhere in this god forsaken house that I can"t be arsed to feckin" tidy up.

[duke3016]

When the God"s are against you they are against you (or is my game just pants). Went down the Shell club last night for a game. Now the particular brand of poker at this venue is more suited to the Blue Planet Aquarium at times, but its a nice club, cheap beer and mostly nice people.

It"s an 11k starting stack with 15 minute blinds. As it is self dealt the blinds really creep up on you which doesn"t suit my uber tight passive wait for a monster game  

50p on it"s way

I was getting tripe, and when you get shiite you get a little bored and try to be creative and make the trash work for you. A couple of lost causes later I was down to 9k with the blinds at 100/200. I find QQ in the cutoff and raise to 800 SB calls and the BB gets out of the way. The flop comes down A52 I bet 800 (OK OK I just wanted to see where I was here) SB goes all in. FFS was my pre flop not enough to get A rag out of the pot. I did a bt of poor ham acting and folded. He showed AA, wow it could have been worse.

Down to 7.4k and the blinds now at 200/400 limped around to me in the BB I have AQ and bet 1400 one of the limpers pushes all in for way more than I have. Folded round to me I fold (OK more critique here at your leisure)

Down to 6k, a few hands of shiite later with the blinds at 300/600 get KK UTG - all in, someone will call me, mid position man and huge chip leader shoves all his chips in, hmmm is he weak and only wants me in a HU situation. The rest all fold and mr chip leader, cardrack, smug SOB turns over AA and i"m out of there.

So I ran into Aces twice and played like a complete twonk for he rest of the time. My chips are all yours in Cardiff.

[duke3016]

Today is a day of domesticity. I have a skip out on the drive and anything not nailed down is going in it. I have warned the two children and they have been frantically rescuing clothes from various floors and basically securing prized possessions. Because when their old man tidies up, he knows only one way. Dump, dump and dump again.

I did a huge wash and have 14 shirts to iron. Love it.

I washed the smalls and socks and was amazed at the amount. (the main reason for this is that when I go away on business I tend to buy undies etc because I forget to wash them in time)

I have washed and changed all the bedding.

The back garden has been cleared of all unwanted appendages.

Me and Ger are off to get a trim today, in my case a trim, in his case a major topiary operation as his mop looks like he's seen a ghost. 

Then it's off to my sister's for a full roast dinner (she thinks I don't eat right). She is the eldest of my two sisters and I love her to bits. I will provide the refreshments so a good night is in prospect.

Remind me to buy a pinny today - sigh

[duke3016]

I awoke one Saturday morning after a fairly good session and wandered into the kitchen in search of breakfast. My mother seemed in an exceptionally good mood and sat me down and got the pan out. One full breakfast and two mugs of tea later and I was ready to face the world.

I went out into the shop and the ould lad, in complete contrast to me mother, was in a particularly foul mood.

"Morning Da" says I jovially
"What time do you call this to be getting up you lazy fecker" he retorted

I retreated back into the kitchen.

"What's up with him" says I
"He's in pain" says me mother
"Lost a £1 did he" says I
"No, ya eejit, real pain, from his teeth" says she smiling broadly

Apart from the fact that my mother was enjoying his discomfort, the ould lad was proud of the fact that he had all his teeth and he looked after them.

"Why doesn't he go to the dentist" says I
"He won't go" says she nearly breaking down with mirth
"I'll talk to him" says I
"Good luck" says she

I went into the shop and walked up to the ould lad. I was determined to take the diplomatic route.

"Go to the dentist you fecking eejit" says I
"Feck off" says he
"I'll make the appointment and drive you" says I
"Feck off" says he

I went into the post office part of the shop and Margaret was behind the counter.

"Is he still in a foul mood" says she
"Aye" says I

I rang the dentist and he had an opening (no pun intended) in an hours time, I booked him in. I went into the kitchen and told my mother to come into the shop as I was taking the ould lad to the dentist.

"This I must see" says she.

"come on Da, I've got you an appointment with Mr Kelly" says I
"I'm not going near that fecking butcher" says he
"Ah so you are afraid of the dentist" says I, taking another tack
"Feck off" says he (limited vocabulary when in pain me Da)
"come on, get in the car"

It was testament to the pain he was in that he did get up and went to my car. I drove to the dentist in the next town and dropped him outside. He went in and I just had to follow. I walked into the surgery and he was already gone into the room. I sat down and started to read those awful magazines that they have in all dentists surgeries.

A sound of a drill sounded.

"What the feck, take that fecking thing away from me John Kelly or I'll tear your fecking head off".

The dulcet tones of the ould lad made their way out into the waiting room. The drill sounded again and there was muffled noises from within the room. Next thing the wee girl assistant ran out into the waiting room and shut the door behind her.

"Hi Mary, what's up" says I
"Your Father, that's what's up, God he has an awful tongue on him, Mr Kelly sent me out" says she.

The next thing that happened was the drill stopped, there was an almighty crash and then complete silence. We looked at each other and Mary made to go towards the door.

"Leave it a while" says I

She stopped and looked at me and nodded.

The door opened and the ould lad emerged.

"Take me home" says he

I looked in the door and there was John Kelly leaning up against the cabinets sweat streaming down his face with his drill still in his hand. He looked at me.

"A difficult man your father" says he.
"No Shiite" says I

Priceless

[duke3016]

As I was typing that the wee man fired up the wii and put some boxing thing on. He did a little warm up went to his PC and pressed a button and the sound of "Eye of the Tiger" burst out.

I laughed so hard I nearly wet myself

It"s a good life, it really is

[KarmaDope]

I did a huge wash and have 14 shirts to iron. Love it.

Get Carl to sort that one out!

[duke3016]

We were in Mike's one Friday evening holding the usual discussion about where to end the night. I really don't know why we bothered, because we always ended up in Vaughan's in Broadford. Anyway Pat Touhy came in late on and said that the forestry was on fire.

Now there was a large wood on what we call the mountain and it was owned by the Forestry Commission and provided good employment to a variety of Bodyke residents. Its demise would be a blow to quite a few people.

So we volunteered to a man to go up there and lend a hand. About 10 of us, in varying degrees of sobriety, piled into a couple of cars and headed up the mountain. When we arrived at the edge of the fire it had taken quite a hold and the fire brigade, well one tender from Scarriff anyway, was in attendance. Because of the lack of a water source for sustained dowsing, we were detailed to beat the living Shiite out of the edge of the fire in order to contain it.

This involved letting the original fire burn itself out. Simple you might think, however it was really hard work as the fire was pretty close and fecking hot. Because the underlying soil was peat based as soon as you beat out the flames they would spring up a couple of minutes later.

"FFS will the fecking fire ever go out" says Denis
"Seems perpetual" says I
"Perpet what" says Denis
"Never mind, keep beating" says I
"No, what did you say" says he
"Don't worry" says I
"You saying I'm thick" says he
"No just neurally challenged" says I
"That's alright then" says he, going back to his beating

27 hours we spent on that fecking mountain catching sleep now and again and beating the living Shiite out of the same patch of land over and over again. We were told that we had done a fine job and we could now go home. The forestry man was there and took our names saying that we would get the normal hourly rate for our efforts.

We headed down and as it was now midnight on Saturday we decided to have a couple of pints before retiring. There we were lined up against the bar smelling of smoke and sweat, but do you know what we were proud of ourselves and toasted one another. Well the couple of pints led to another couple and we all left at about 2am.

As we walked out of the bar door we looked up to the mountain whose fire we had beat. Feck me if the mountain didn't look back and say "You don't beat me that easy you scrawny, insignificant feckers" and a reddish glow could be seen.

FFS we all piled into Philip Hogan's car, because he didn't drink, and headed back up the mountain, where we stayed beating for another 12 hours. At the end of the stint we couldn't slap another patch of fire, we were knackered, but this time we had it beat.

I got a cheque in the post and for the life of me I can't remember the amount, but it wasn't a lot. However that weekend showed the good side of the community and as such was very fulfilling (apart from Denis trying to plant his brother when he hit him with a beater)  

Good spirit, great people, priceless.

[technolog]

Anyway Pat Touhy came in late on and said that the forestry was on fire.

Obvious level. Nothing in Ireland has ever been dry enough to burn.