Before i start, let me make the following clear.
I am not doing thsi just for sympathy, nor do i really care if people want to take the piss after reading it. I am just doing it to try and get my head together and hope that people have some constructive ideas for me.
Tonight, i am probably feeling the lowest i have ever felt about poker.
Myself and a good friend and fellow member of the stockton poker crew had a good chat on the way home, and quite frankly it was ****ing depressing.
We used to play witha group of friends on a thursday night, and i really used to look forward to it every week. The standard of players was varied, we sometimes fell out, but everyone was playing to the best of their abilities, and it brought the best out of my game.
I by no means won every week, but i felt as if it was making me think about every hand, i had plans every time i got involved, i was thinking properly about my game, and i wasnt making that many mistakes. I was playing at what i feel is the best level i have reached yet, playing aggressive and picking my spots well, but knowing when to fold if i had to.
I barely ever limped EVER. I hated it. If i got involved i did it properly, no matter what the cards i had chosen to play.
Now however, i utterly hate myself at the poker table.
We play on a tuesday night at a pub, and its, quite frankly ****. (I know, its a pub league, what do i expect etc etc etc)
I have lost my ability to control a table, i am finding myself limping in all the time, with any 2 carrds most of the time, just hoping to hit.
I dont raise much any more, mainly as something in te back of my head is saying to me "whats the point, your going to get called and they will always hit the flop"
This has led to me limp-folding for ****s sake! LIMP FOLDING!!!!!!!!
I just feel like there is literally no point in me playing, Yeah the people are nice, and the food we get is good. But i have realised, i want somethign more from it. I want to be challenged, i want to play poker!!!
Unfortunately, since we stopped playing or little game ona thursday, there is litterally no where to play poker to a decent standard, or what i used to perceive to be a decent standard, any more.
When i turned up to the Europeans in Coventry, i was what i would call, massively undercooked.
I had had no practice playing good poker. I have lost my ability to do so. I cant remember playing any of the (very few) hands i played thinking about what was happening and what the situation was.
I didnt have plans when i was playing hands, i was just doing it.
This really isnt what i want from poker at all, and i really do fear that i am totally losing the love for it.
I dont want to just turn up and play with people who have no idea (god i sound patronising as ****) I want to play and think and feel, i am pretty sure that my instincts in poker used to be damn good, now they are dulled beyond belief.
Honestly, if i cant find a game soon that is goign to go back to testing me and my abilities and give me the chance to get better, i am seriously jsut gonna jack it in.
Problem is, there isnt anywhere like that that i know of in the North East.
I think i have reached a serious cross roads in my poker playing life, and i am honestly not sure where its gonna end up
And it upsets me.
