Sorry folks, this is goig to be depressing, and if i were you i wouldnt read on agt all, Im jsut putting this down to get it out of me somehow, I cant put it on facebook, as my sister will worry.
Lying here in my bed, I am in the next room to my parents. Dad is in bed, its where he spends a fair bit of his time nowadays, even though he doesnt sleep much, he is just absolutely shattered from the chemotherapy.
As i lay here feeling sorry for myself as i have got a bit of flu, all I can hear in the background is the utter pain and torment that he is going through in the other room. Coughing and spluttering, even though his throat is so sore that he hasnt been able to speak for 3 weeks.
It makes him constantly feel sick. He has trouble breathing sometimes. He has jsut got over a fairly bad chest infection as the chemo whipes out your immune system. The worst thing is that at the minute, i cant be near him as im ill, if he catches it, then it will mean more hospital appointments for anitbiotics through a drip, and more blood transfusions.
Seeing the way that this is effecting a man who was always a mountain, a pillar of strength for the family is utterly heartbreaking, Im in floods writing this. He is taking this all far better than I ever could, and i suspect that we dont know the half of what he is going through. We are all there for each other, and always will be, but at times this horrible, vile disease can leave you feeling utterly alone and frankly helpless.
We WILL get through this. We WILL beat this, and we WILL get to see my dad be able to sit there, have a chat with us and hear him laugh.
Thank god I know so many fantastic people. You are all keeping me sane at the moment.
Stu
xx
