ok lets jump/r u ready jump/comon get of ur bum and jump. go on do it .lets jump 20 years later.holdon .14 and 20 is 34/ rite /iwas 34 living in a place called rocketpool bilston n wolverhampton.anyway it was my birthday / rite party time/but i dident drink.so im sitting there boring ray with his glass of coke.when in come my mates /r u comeing with us /where/ darrens stag nite pup crawl/wev hired a bus /ok ill go/so of to the first pup what u haveing ray /coke please /what its ur birthday here have a pint /NO dont like beer / have a half of john smiths lager its nice/i thought lager and beer where 2 difrent drinks/i think thats what it was called /there was a big foamy head on it / it was lovley/so i necked it /rite back on the bus /mate coms over /here keep this for later /a we bag /ME /what is it /mate/dont worry well look after u/oops i dident like the sound of that /pup number 2 / ray its your round /my round what/HEHE/rays not stuped u by me a half a pint and want me to by u a full one ? /I DONT BY DRINK/what u mean/ u only got me a half now u want a full pint /DONT THINK SO/u by me another half and ill by u a pint at the next pup/ alrite ray/i mite be new to this game but im not stuped/so pup num 3/ray its ur round/ok/up too the bar / can i have 2 pints of john smith please/ its either smith or west cant remember/anyway 2pints of john smiths please/ barman/sorry WHAT U WANT/now he was sortof shouting it /again 2pints of john smith please/sorry WHAT/now i was tapping the beer i wanted /and to be onest it pissed me of a bit/mate comes over wheres my pint/the barman cant understand me/ME /HOLDON /so i turned and said //////can u lend me a fiver /barman i dont lend money/he understood that dh /rite can i have 2pints f john smiths please /tku/soo back to the table /mate/ what abut the rest of the lads/ WHAT /u have to by them a drink /fkn sure im not they dident by me1/theyll get u 1 at the next pup/ok /38quidWHAT/pints vodkas shots i think they where taking the pis/pup number 4/i get a FULL PINT of mr smiths necket it back on the bus pup num 5 /3.pints and im anybodys/
i loved everyone /pup num 6 now when we left this pup i had a half of mr smiths on the bus a fella came over /here take that it will keep u awake /i am awake/no but this will keep u awake/so he pops it in my glass /ok i neck it/now u just dont see the time when your having fun/ so next stop /TINTINS in bermingham /mate comes over /wheres that we bag /what we bag/o that we bag /take that now it will keep u awake /nasty head on /IM NOT FKING SLEEPING IM AWAKE/just take it ray /ok/so ten mints later bus stops we all get of /i was WIDE AWAKE /now there was a littel fellow with us a littel thin fellow now where standing waiting to get in to this nite club there was about 25 till30 anyway i turned and the we thin fellows face had changed /now how do i put this/well his face was round /but wheni looked at it
it had turned into the shap of a V/it was like a wee fkn martian from outer space/fk i took a fit of laughter /but i could not stop/now by the time we got to the door i was still at it/well this BIG BIG door man was standing there /and he just smiled/well iv nothing againest anyone live and love everyone race creed or color love all /but when this BIG man smiled at me /i just seen his theeth he was a BIG rasta man /well i just seen the man from outer space wairing his theeth/i nearly keeled over with laughter /have u been here before/NO/well dont worry aboout anything/now heres thous fameus words again /WELL LOOK AFTER YOU/ok/so in we go upstairs /Well c how the other side lives/jesus/on the platform a poledancer wairing fishnet tights and top A FELLA /then 2 girls comeover /would u like to by 1/they where selling feather dusters/no them things women rapround there neck/but they wernt girls they where fellas tranfestites/a well live and let live/well i was out of my tree/ i think i just fell of the branch/anyway i needed the loo/now when i found it it was a pee pot in the middle of the room all the men in there dresses shooting at it /i legged it /was never going there nope never in a million years/now as the nite went on i started 2 yawn think it was about 230 /mate comes over /u cant be tired/iam/next thing BIG man comes over here take that it will liven u up A BIT/so i necked it /well after about 15mins /i start slideing down the wall where i was standing BIG fela comes over lifts me and carrys me UNDER his arm/just like a we rag doll/well he took me out side propt me against the wall /all i here was count till 9/beat thump start stop start stop thump take a drink of water /start stop start stop start stop/my ticker /have a drink /this went on for about 1hour 30 mins/ then all of a sudden /WALLOP/well the BIG man got very small all of a sudden/r u ok wee man/I LOVE U/ NOT ONLY DID FALL FROM MY TREE I MUST HAVE BANGED MY HEAD /i love u/jesus /well back in we go all the mates giveing it hell for leather on the dance floor to this thing call RAVE music well i cant dance to that im a slow dancer i like moving slowing on the dance floor/then u put ur hand on their bum and get a slap/
/now wile the mates r giveing it hell for leather i became the drumer of the band standing beating the fk out of the wall/so i was taken down stairs now that was a strange place all body builders /well yous remember BENNY HILL /rite /do u remember the we boldy man/yous do/well there was 1 just like him in the club/and yes /Now a thought i was BENNY HILL/ did i slap him/ u better beleave it every time he past me/now wile i was down stairs all the gays where takeing there shirts of and showing thair musils so wat do i do /you gest it /i did to /but i started takeing the pis and got trailed back up stairs by the doormen by the scrof of the neck/so i start caming down a littel /then over come a young girl and we start talking /she understod everything i said which was amazing cos no other fkr could not even me /now she ended up setting on my nee she must have sat there a good 3 hours /then her booy friend came over and said/wait for it /CAN I HAVE MY BOYFRIEND BACK/he or she was fkn a trany and i dident no u could not tell the difrence/we live and learn dont we /any we all gott home about 9 in the morning still in party mood so wee got the pup to open and let us in wee where there all day/well the wee man from outer space came in /heres where rays scence of humor comes in /in he comes /well did u have a god nite/i dont remember how i got home/
i do i seen him jump in a taxi/now no one had said anything /so i said did u drop that man home/what man/ the fella u left the club with /i dident go in to the club /u did and u left with a gay man/ well his jaw hit the floor then he went/well we sat and peed ourselfes/ but we dident se him again for i think it was about three weeks /so he comes into the bar with a suitcase/r u going on holaday/no the wife tru me out/y/ because i took a gay man home/she beleaved him /even worse he beleaved it /surely u would no if that happened /anyway i had to go and tell his wife it was a wined up/not only did she chase me she tru everything she could get her hands on/so i went back to the pup and told him his wife wants him /well some of the mates went round to the house and brougt them round to the pup/well im sitting there his face is brite red with anger /so i said /comon and a drink /so i got him a pint of the black stuff and his wife a vodka and coke/then i put my arms around to say SORRY/but wat do i do take a fit of laughter/and after about 30 secones they seen the funny sideof it/but all ended well they went happly married/AGAIN............i started riteing this at 11.30.its now 7.42 c u l8tr time for 888
